i, me and mine

2005-08-10T02:43:00.000+08:00

closed!

2005-08-08T00:09:00.000+08:00

yay. went to carnival@marina. patriotism!

aiyahh ehh you want to watch what movie tell me larhh! and the bet doesn stand okayy! go dutch!

aiyohh.
charlie.
wedding crashers.
the truth about love.

choose larh going to slp liao!

2005-08-08T00:08:00.000+08:00

random random..

2005-08-08T00:07:00.001+08:00

banner!

2005-08-08T00:07:00.000+08:00

info booth ?

2005-07-30T20:41:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | =\ ]
[ Current Music | Goo Goo Dolls - Iris ]

JESSICA ALBA! AHHHHHH.

hahaahh ever since kangjie and i watched fantastic four on wednesday, i've been ~~fantasizing~~going gaga over her! ahhhh! to think i wanted to watch wet dreams two hahah!

-piak. someone hah. doesn want to buy her crumpler liao, made me wait for so long. now still wants me to go church tmr wor. hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

2005-07-28T23:19:00.000+08:00

yes! the innocent hunsheng!

2005-07-28T23:09:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | >.< ]
[ Current Music | Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day ]

oh man the class is getting stranger day by day!
water fights here and there. with junhao spraying water everywhere. then woankeng and nigel having wild and wet fun too. >_< maybe its because of the post-test stress! for the last few days, im proud to say that we've all done our best in mugging to ensure that 3a regains top spot in aphelion ! hahahah and for the first time today when i reached the classroom, everyone was sleeping alright!

and can u believe it. hunsheng was still playing maplestory at 9.30pm, when i was logging off! what has the world become! and he watches porn. way to go man! i mean can you believe it ? wolf behind a sheep's skin indeed. what lies behind that innocent face i do not know, and i definitely would WANT to know! he has been showing us his true self here and there. giving the cheeky smiles and lame jokes to niao nicholas. alright man.

class spirit.

oh yahh! class outing! the movies coming soon are quite promosing and erhm relate alot to our class! first up! the land of the dead! -stares at junhao

and
douglas! hahah!

2005-07-25T23:20:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | :\ ]
[ Current Music | Mariah Carey - We Belong Together ]

was mugging real hard for ss and chem till i received this sms from ms seng.

See the director of finance mr raymond tan tomo immediately after flag raising.

like w0w. got me all so worried. first time ms seng's target was so big shot. in the past it was just teachers. now the director of finance. so i replied "okay. regarding?" and i waited. and waited. and waited. and waited. and it got me really petrified. her tone (can't tell) sounds serious, must be i chuang-ed some huo. and worst thing, regarding money ! blehh lost total interest in mugging and kept thinking, looking at the handphone every other second, still no reply. dunno whats going to happen to me! -thinks about the nkf incident- "you embezzled funds!"

2005-07-24T22:28:00.000+08:00

i had an argument with my dad.
he left home.
im on the verge on crying.

i don't know what's wrong with me. help.

2005-07-23T01:45:00.000+08:00

a short week indeed.
only three days of school. with wednesday being national tnf and thursday racial harmony. but these three days were filled with disappointment and gloom i must say. setback after setback. haiz.

anyway congrats to the track and field team and canoeing team!

i hate that bastard

2005-07-16T23:29:00.001+08:00

seh starting pose !

2005-07-16T23:29:00.000+08:00

group photo!

2005-07-16T23:28:00.000+08:00

number 1 ! (:

2005-07-08T02:11:00.000+08:00

tired!
still have cards to write for the ot! aar's tmr!
the stupid chinese presentation thingie.
erm special projects ppt?
and erm proposal for open house.

ORD's tomorrow.
let's pray it wont screw up. or else my head will roll once again.

RAHHHHH feng le!

2005-06-27T00:11:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | rahh ]
[ Current Music | Collide - Howie Day ]
can't believe school's gonna start in 7 hours time! hahah talking to the hongkong peeps from x-slc and indian delegates from 11slc. really interesting to learn and know about their culture! xD -nods-
party03 yesterday! shall elaborate when i have the time.
tata!

confidence still shaken. and i have to wear that mask again

2005-06-25T06:19:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | frustrated! ]
[ Current Music | White Houses - Vanessa Carlton ]

oh man. slept in front of the laptop AGAIN. and the worst thing that i dont know what time i slept, or rather forgot what i last did ! grrr. the laptop's in standby mode, hmmm. and jay chou's songs have been looping ? oh oh and movie review for ace in microsoft word. hurhur.

wahahh! homework ! well at least i managed to do quite a lot in these 2 days. i'm left with bio tys, the cheem chinese book and i happened to get the longest chapter. here goes the first sentence "中华艺术是写意的.创作是艺术家把心识中的意象向外投射的行为表现." then i'll be snoring away. hmmm. MRP how ! -looks at stanley ! oh well, there goes my 2.0 msg for end-of-year. bound to flunk it. all i hope for now is just being able to stay in 3a and ip, the bare minimum.

feel so guilty for ponning tnf meeting, after that sms. x_x oh well.

five.
six.
well. five or six years.
wahaha :D

again i thought about it again
i'm going through the same old thing for the third time already. i dont know whether to feel refreshed or just disgusted. seeing the same old stuff, hearing the same old phrases. but just what is it that i'm looking for here? yeah passion, everybody says that, in interviews or whatsoever to impress the interviewers. "why do you want to join..?" "oh, because i am very passionate for this and i feel that i can contribute a lot" whole bunch of crap. even the fire with us can be put out sometimes, do you ever ask yourselves whether you enjoy doing all this after all, especially when you thought that it's going to be your top priority. seeing your batchmates fall one by one, it hurts, am i going to be next?
and hahah big ambitions one sure has, but what if nothing is left at the end, like the beginning of the year. do you still want to carry on? hah. but can you even allow yourself to be less capable than .. if this even happens, do you still want to carry on?

When I call you at home and he answers the phone
Or I get your machine and u don't hear me
When I lie in my bed with the thoughts in my head
When we danced and we sang and we laughed all night

2005-06-23T14:45:00.000+08:00

[ Current Music | The Calling - Wherever You Will Go ]

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

koped from liyan!

finally started on homework. bleaghh lemme list down
~~-2 compres (one due last last fri)~~
-read chinese book
-do reflections for chinese book
-physics worksheet
-bio tys
-maths worksheet
-maths revision thingie
-smrp proj
-chem thingie
-mrp
-ace
-mug for bio test
-mug for maths test

alright its demoralising enough. 4 more days left till school reopens. 3 days going to be used up. so its just today left. hahah and half the day is gone. x_x heh anyway woke up today with a good news, the meetings postponed till sch reopens! hahah then came the bad news. jiayouuu.

alright cannot talk anymoree.

2005-06-23T01:03:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | stressed! >< ]
[ Current Music | O-Town - All or Nothing ]

rahh! design design ! >< no inspiration so far. im soo dead!
i miss the ot! although its like only 4 days since we last met, it seems forever ! wahhhh. its that empty feeling again, after putting your heart on an aim for 6 months, piaing, chionging, praying that it will out work out. finally when its over, it seems like suddenly, theres no direction in your life. floating. no desire to do anything, frankly speaking i'm going to die in term 3. mrp not touched. projects day too. smrp haiz. ace, whats that? and not to mention the tests and HOMEWORK. one pile of homework untouched, except for one set of comprehension that i handed up one week late. what's wrong with me. ><

Cause I want it all or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you've reached the bottom
It's now or never
Is it all or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

and holding back your tears is indeed a bad thing. been having sleepless nights and daydreams here and there. used to remember how different i was during x-slc, when the fps were coming back from chinatown, i was called up by janet to give a closing speech yupp. "its been 4 days.." then i started to tear already. hahah 4th night. but now, not even one drop. bleaghh.

can't wait for party03, it seems a whole hell of fun to me. rock on ot!
rahh i missed suayu's surprise birthday party yesterday! because of posting. blehh shall not talk about it, terrifying experience, just crosses my fingers and pray. taking over time for all our commitments - are we ready? i wonder.

okayy back to designs! think think think.
and you! rest well ahh. why are you so busy ! o_o so worried for you. jiayou! always behind you! racist-ic! (:

you just had to come back and take my heart away again. i thought we said we were not meant to be?..

2005-06-22T21:05:00.000+08:00

alright!
presenting to you... 11slcot blog template!
yay!

party03!party03!party03!party03!
aar!aar!aar!aar!aar!

2005-06-21T01:19:00.000+08:00

(: ot. next blog template. woots-

2005-06-20T00:54:00.000+08:00

There's nothing left to say
I've got my eyes shut
Praying they won't stray
And we are not sexed up
That's what makes the difference today
I hope you blow away

the emptiness is back

2005-06-20T00:52:00.000+08:00

11slcOT - Theme Song
There was a time
When jaja said that slc won't wake it
but we did
but we did

There was a time
When troubles seemed so hard for us to handle
but we did
but we did

We build a convention
You and me
reaching out together
for regional unity!

This is my OT,
this are my facs,
this is my handbook,
this are my tags,
this is my notepad,
this are my friends.

We are slc
slc OT.

We the members of slc
pledge ourselves as one united ot.
regardless of school, gender or committee
to build a convention, you and me
for regional unity
so as to achieve security, human rights and progress for our convention.
We are slc
we are slc
we will strive together for regional unity

2005-06-18T21:58:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | empty ]
[ Current Music | Incomplete - Backstreet Boys ]

empty spaces fill me up with holes.
probably the closest i've ever got to crying, after reading jianyi's message.
"Sigh, slc is now over, and there is no way for time to turn back.. We really had fun together, and i miss all of you already. The times we had will always be with me. May slc live in our memories forever"
shortly followed by choonyen's.
"I feel so empty now... slc is over.. but let us not forget the beautiful memories we had together.. thanks for everything during e past 6 months! I love u ppl!"

hahah who would have thought, 3 different schools, a whole new combination, would work out that fine, and even better? i admit i was naive, well maybe some things just weren't meant to be, and i finally saw light. what i have always thought and insisted isn't true, and boy am i relieved to have realized this.

11thslc is over. and this year was really different because i couldn't make it for the actual convention. instead, i spent the 4 days stoning in amoy quee camp, and it is really stoning! out of the 8 hours spent there daily, 6 hours was used sitting down on the hard concrete floor either listening to lame talks, waiting for things to be ready, or having our meals. hahah got my 2nd sergeant rank in the end, but i'm ashamed of myself, where's the plaque i was confident of getting ? complacency caused me. but screw hq, why restrict one candidate from one school in one section and in the end choose shit? and in what ways are stanley, andrew etc worse than some neighbourhood school joker, who later get niaoed for giving shit drill. blehh oh well, we must be gracious. at least hwa chong ncc showed who we are, king of west district, dominance, period. so on wednesday night, stanley and i went back to school to check things out and went back to camp on thursday, and rushed back on thursday afternoon for the finale. all by cab, my pocket money ! ><

alright so on thursday afternoon, speed bathing and changing and poof we're on our way to the auditorium, and it really seemed like last year. the dimmed auditorium lights, the participants jumping and shouting wildly, and of course the performance put up. immediately i got myself to work, hoping to numb myself from the emotions. and yupp ended up running to and fro, and i refused to do the ot item, kinda anti-social. hmmm, but in the end things got messy because the finale dragged and it ended 1 hour later, had to plead with the mediatech teacher and cut some perfomances here and there, and the requests by the foreign deleagtes weren't of any help. but in the end, everything still went smoothly, and yupp by the time ot item ended, practically everybody was crying, except me that is. probably i've gone through this, and probably because i wasn't even present during the convention. but still the nothingness was there. then came the debrief/exchange of presents and dinner.

and yesterday, the whole ot sent the philiphines and indian delegates off the the airport. i was feeling quite down, and this was when i probably understood the real reason why i didn't cry. to put it bluntly, the photos on the slideshow meant nothing to me, mass games, assemblies, tea reception, keynote address, there was no emotions attached to them as compared to the other participants. somehow i feel shortchanged, i doubt if u ask any foreign delegate who shiwei is, they probably cannot recall. how ironic, the prog i/c, unrecognized, isolated. have i not put in effort ? have i not piaed ? i was so left out, i dont even know what happened during the four days, although i was the one who planned the programme outline. i don't even have the slightest idea on how the high achievers' activity is carried out, how were the participants' involvement during the assemblies, how did the goh fare during keynote address. nothing at all. then it turned into hatred. blame it all on my pathetic life, clashes everywhere. shattered commitments. even the hardy stanley broke down beause of this, he cried on sunday night, the first time i see him, showing his emotions.

of course, i cannot be selfish. at least everything turned out fine, at least it was a success! so smile shiwei !

after sending the fps off, we went to clear ops room and the classrooms, in the end turned out to be a palm-reading/fortune-telling session by king jagar wu chengliang! hahah. then we went orchard for dinner and celebration. it was 9+ when we finished our meal, and i had this wacky idea to extend our stay in boarding school till the next day. but suayu wasn't too willing because he had some personal matters to attend to, and he didn want the ot to get into trouble because there was no consulation of the upper authorities. but luckily sharon and greg approved, and we were like jumping and shouting outside cathay! hurhur. went shopping for presents and we bought a birthday present for suayu! but he was so dao, think he is angry with me for the extension, makes me guilty >_< reached boarding sch at 12, and our suprise plan was foiled because of jijo's lagginess ! hahah, we played cards, murderer till 2, then we went into the room to chat. and we all slept together (different beds lar!) as one ot. the next morning, grace, anna, stanley and i were laming around and we took pictures of the ot sleeping with choonyen's yellow duck beck pack! hurhur.

finally it's over. heres the individual messages i have for the ot!

prog comm: you guys have been great! we were the first committee to be bonded together and im glad your enthusiasm and determination didn falter during he planning process! sorry that at times, i have not been a good i/c, as i fail to delegate work to you all, always keeping things to myself. but im really really proud of you all!
we all know that job scope for programmes itself is slack! plus with an experienced i/c, the organizing and planning process wasn't as tedious as concept or logistics, but i'm really happy with your performances during the actual convention itself, from taking care of the foreign participants; waking them up, checking if they're alright; bringing them for the night tours, to helping the other committees; helping log with food and yeahh. haiyohh still remembered the times when i called for meetings that lasted only 30 minutes! but you guys still came down nevertheless! remember there was one meeting at burger king in far east? hahah. in the end we sat down and had lunch. (: prog'05 forever!

daryl: alright d00d. the acting i/c for prog when i wasn't around! and u did great! i still remember one week before the event, you came to me and said you were worried, worried that prog will screw up. and i remembered i had to apologize to you for choosing spec course, and leaving prog halfway, and give you assurance that i will pia for the planning so that taking over would be smooth. true enough, it was almost flawless. i knew right from the start, given your bouncy character, you will lead prog to a greater height, maybe even better than what i could do if i were present. so yupp well done ! (:

stanley: my fellow ncc-mate who chose spec course

jijo and me

2005-06-18T21:13:00.001+08:00

daryl and the duck !

2005-06-18T21:13:00.000+08:00

sending the springdales

2005-06-18T21:12:00.000+08:00

choon yen and her -erm- hair

2005-06-18T21:11:00.000+08:00

the arrival of the indian delegates !

2005-06-18T18:35:00.000+08:00

prog comm'05.

2005-06-14T05:18:00.000+08:00

x_x can't believe i woke up earlier just to study for gsk test. gsk --> general specialist' knowledge. hahah and seriously you will laugh your heads off at the questions that will be tested. things like "when is ncc founded?" or "whos the commandant?" and stuff like this. propoganda but yet its "general knowledge" that specialists have to know. boo. bahhh the m16 rifle is 2.85kg heavy and 99.9cm long. -.- blehh these kind of stupid stuff. oh well, very confident about my preformance today. zhiyi, dingjie and i were in the same platoon and we really made our presence felt, hwachong ncc standard, discipline, and heheh i was selected to be the i/c ! alright! my chance to prove myself, so i came out with a new cheer and echo and commanded alpha 1. a little bit of nervousness here and there but man, the dismissal was just so picture-perfect. pep-talk followed by "commando" and "henta-khaki" cheer, then a pat on my back and a "good job!keep it up!" by the clt. if i continue with this standard, woots- pride and glory to hwachong ncc.
received news from jerry, daryl and suayu that the first day was the best the seniors ever saw ! alright mann. keep up the good work!

yesterday the foreign participants arrived at singapore, and the prog comm + seniors went to the airport to fetch them. although there were some mistakes and *erhm* requests, the fps were rather fun!

why? why must i always miss out the crux of the moment? why must i always be absent when it matters?

shall not make this spec course go to waste. if not ill be skipping slc for nothing

2005-06-12T01:17:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | rotten ]
[ Current Music | Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard ]

oh mann. been looping the song for hours, and i'm so in love with it.
hahah i reached home at 9.30, and all i ask for is to have a nice bath and to pack my stuff and sleep. but things obviously didn go that way. the moment i went online, i was dragged into a war! without wearing my helmet, i got bombed. read suayu's tagboard for more details. i really do not wish to comment and i really just want to see a stop to all these. congratulations to the youth forum organizing committee for a successful event and i guess suayu just triggered your wrath because of that sentence, and yupp he's explained and i'm sure he doesn't mean it. but some of your comments are really too absurd. yes we need all the luck we can get, and its NOT BECAUSE we have to match up with youth forum. its because we have to match up with ourseleves, the ELEVENTH slc, expectations are higher, the stakes are bigger too. so yeah. let us shake hands. x_x so that alone lasted me till now ! and worse still left me braindead ! rahh how to pack bag !

and i've just realized how pathetic my life is. just because of shattered commitments. i feel like a loser. i can't contribute to my commitments! just take a look, during youth forum, i have to take care of slc, first day i skipped lunch and ran back to school to let ms seng vet a proposal, second day i didn go for the field trips to get the room allocations done, and third day i didn go back and obviously paid a hefty price for it. and yeah, when the environment subcommittee was having loads of fun celebrating at orchard, i was in ops room, losing my temper. i feel so isolated during the mass chat, great job, and now im still waiting to be added back to the conversation. and what about mark4? where are you shiwei? forget it. so what shiwei, if you're busy? so what shiwei, if you're going to rock slc? so what ! huh, i can't imagine playing so many roles and one time, in a few hours time, i'm going to be picking up the foreign delegates from the airport, and then hand over my programmes i/c title to jijo to take over, and then go for spec course, and on thursday rush back to grand finale to see the participants and ot cry. wow. thats the week for me. what will i gain? virtually nothing. i wiill be missing the convention and at spec course, i will be thinking of slc and yupp empty-handed i will return. i have promised lujie that i will pia and go all out, for the best cadet award. am i going to do it? hahah be realistic man shiwei. you just have no life.
today i quarrelled with my parents because i told them about spec course and boarding school. yehah i know it's really my fault cause its so damn late. hahah so in the end i finally persuaded them to lemme go to school. and man i went bersek halfway while discussing ot item, i went to run my 2.4 x_x i didn know what made me do that. weird. hahah then later we went to play basketball. rahh in the end we played polar bear and murderer.
why are the seniors so nice to us. and we always disappoint them time and time again. we can only blame it on our insensitivity, but SENIORS THE 11SLC OT APPRECIATES EVERYTHING YOU'VE GIVEN SO FAR. tell me which other seniors are willing to spend the whole day vetting the writeups, the 100+ page convention handbook? which other seniors are willing to give us pep talks when we're demoralized and blast and scold us when we aren't progressing? you guys rock. this slc is for you!
alright 7 more hours away. we can do it ! i better start packing !

alright. wait for my good news

2005-06-11T01:32:00.000+08:00

i have hideous eyebags! rahhhhhhh. but i still don't feel like sleeping. been thinking a lot the past hours. had quite a bad time with the seniors again.. with erik and yida. i don' know what's wrong with me now, getting all so emotional. shouting and cursing after the fps changes their flight details, kicking chairs and tables after the fps change their participants. why do i let my emotions to take over me so easily ? i know these are stuff that can be solved easily, but why do i always flare up just like that. and so i blasted my prog comm for no reason. i said erik was petty, all in a moment of folly. you know i dont mean it! bleagghhh and so i just chased the advisors off like that. and it just made matters worse.
bleagh on tuesday, erik dragged me to the clock tower and we kinda talked.. yeah. and wor i saw erik tear, rare moments of my life. and i was kinda touched. i know where i went wrong, i've been doing too much, to the extent of my committee members not knowing anything, and he warned me last week before, but i didn really cared about it because i felt that prog comm was strong enough. hahah and i was proved wrong by the series of events that happened the past few days, ms seng calling you 30 times a day, doing everything alone, programmes committee disunited.. haiz. and of course the i/c breaking down. so i assured him the prog comm and i will not fall. so my next agenda was to scold my members.
so i stormed into ops room, and shouted "prog meeting outside now!" and of course, the ~~disrespectful~~ jianrui replied, "now? but kristin and i are going to change to our council u.." so i just screamed at them. hahah so i kinda got the tone set, everyone could sense the disatisfaction i felt and nobody dared to speak, well that is for the first five minutes, after that it all went back to normal. everyone climbed over my head yupp and hurhur. blehh i guess that's programmes. so we wrapped it up with cheers and a whoosh! kinda relieved that we found our committee spirit again. prog'05 forever.
and i vow never to be so emotional again.
so yupp youth forum ended. it was nice. the mass games on the second day was crazzzy. flour + water in the carpark = hours of cleaning up. mark, xuanyi and kang wrecked havoc larr, throwing flour and water bomb at the facils. but yupp we had fun. third day was more a discussion day for the proposal paper and play. hahah so i decided then i should STEP OUT and lead in the propsal paper! in the e2's got selected ! woots- and qintan and i presented to the whole forum on stage. -sigh- of course, there were so laughters from JANICE and GXINYING. hmmm. but yupp it was a huuuuuge improvement from last year! still remembered that my tomato-red face! so the concert and finale ended, with the girls all crying and stuff. and im a hum ji! >_< env took photos and stoned outside audi, waiting for our facils before going for dinner! hmm in the end i went back to school to do slc stuff, and the ot went to eat prata ! yet agaiN! hahah MILO DINASAUR and PRATA TISSUE. booo.
3 more days. can't sleep.

2005-06-11T00:51:00.001+08:00

prata tissue ! hurhur and MILO DINOSAUR

2005-06-11T00:51:00.000+08:00

11slcOT - busy at work!

2005-06-11T00:50:00.000+08:00

Environment Sub-Comm ! (:

2005-06-08T23:04:00.000+08:00

i'm so useless. hahah i thought i could pia prog all the way, and i did it, in the end i still fell. imagine lar. your teacher advisor calling you 30+ times a day when you're in nanyang forum, and not to mention the countless smses, including those "see me asap" how to ! and the worst thing is that the matters i've all settled lar ! i dunno whats her fucking problem, why does she always have to pick on programmes committee? cause she's not intellectually fit to do the concept? cause she doesn want to do manual labour in log? so why prog!? and its not our fault that we finished all our work, i know it sounds weird having nothing to do when everyone else is piaing, but its the truth. IVE FINISHED PROGRAMMES. u name it i give it. teachers programme. icebreakers. massgames. night tours. manpower allocation. hatc EVERYTHING. SO WHY DO U KEEP CALLING ME AS IF THE PHONE BILL IS FREE ?!
so i went for the nanyang youth forum. rather good and refreshing experience. hahha EXCEPT THE 10+ CALLS I RECEIVED DURING THE CONCERT. and i had to rush back to school to send her the bloody proposal that has been vetted and confirmed. whtas her problem. bahh then icebreakers and stuff. hahah. then we finally got into work with a mindmap to set us off thinking, during which ms seng called another 10 times, the facilitators, yawen were like o_o "again?relax shiwei" i was so embarrassed lar. doesn she know im in nanyang?
so yahh finally the tears were let out during debrief. hahah. blehh. greg and the seniors were "dont let ms seng affect you, not worth it", but i guess my emotions were getting the better of me again. so after we were dismissed, i went off in a huff to find ms seng and settle the prog once and for all. she wasn there, and i just left like taht to have dinner with lokky, tingwei and yinghao consoling me on the way. the advisors were kinda pissed because i left the ot like that. but all i wanted to have was A BREAK, even i was there i couldn contribute, whats the point! yida just couldn understand... haiz. so we went to the prata restaurant and simply gorged ourselves, milo dinosaur ! hahah 2 kosong, 1 egg and 1 tissue prata, in the end i didn eat the 2 plain ones, too full. the rest all finished can! damn pro. hahah in the end the bill came and we were shocked. hurhur. oh well, being with a wacky group makes me forget about my worries.

hahah and now theres another foreign school. im screwed. here i am again. alone, where are my prog comm members? i dunno.

2005-06-07T02:36:00.000+08:00

like wow. i slept at the computer table for the dunno-how-manyth time already ? what's wrong with me ! >_<

anyway 6 more days. but im feeling lost. jaja help! -sigh-

2005-05-29T13:32:00.001+08:00

~~slacking~~ in inner space!

2005-05-29T13:32:00.000+08:00

the facilitators.

2005-05-29T13:31:00.000+08:00

fac roleplay !

2005-05-27T23:36:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | determined ]
[ Current Music | - ]

stupid stomach flu. i practically staggered up the bridge, with my face going all pale and i almost vomited outside the main gate. gross! finally puked after recess during english period, in the toilet of course, i realized what i eat = what i vomit, so i'm like super hungry all day, but cannot eat! only can take semi-solid food like porridge! but where on earth in the school has porridge!? so i gave way after combined meeting and shared fried rice with jerry, felt the immediate effects of the stomach churning and made my way to the sofa to restt. and stomach flu is like having non-stop diarrhoea! \(>_<)/ it's like your big intestine has lost its function of absorbing the water and the rectum seems like it's leaking! gahhhh !

anyway. report card back today. results arent that good. thanks to good ol' maths. nevertheless i will strike back !

just came back from slc combined meeting, yes it was another screwing session, but this time the screwing was worth it. i finally see an organizing team, where everybody slogs together, and take the scoldings together. it was the first time the meeting progressed smoothly and i thought it would end at 7.30. hahah then the scolding session began. started with a round of reflections which i personally felt was quite fake. "i've been doing this this for the past 6 months, i know i am slack but i will pia for the next 2 weeks"
ok shall not go into the details. but it was 9.30 when it all ended. and the ot was left in tears. all went out of proed room to cry, but from this incident, the ot finally understood the importance of each and every one. and concept - continue the good job! jerry, dont take jaja's words seriously, we know you aren't like that, the ot, the whole concept team is behind you.

alright OT. this is what i call an OT. ALL THE WAY ! (:

2005-05-26T11:16:00.000+08:00

[ Current Music | Karma - Alicia Keys ]

didn't go to school today.
hahah. running a temperature plus a little bit of dizzy spells and vomiting here and there. disgusted with myself yesterday, my dinner got flushed down the toiletbowl. bleaghhh.
what goes up must come down!
hurhur tomorrow i'll be back!

even at home, i'm still under pressure. maths test is tomorrow! and at the rate i'm going, i'm going to flunk it yet again. and kangjie is like updating me about the biology term test on 5 july and the holiday homework we have ! x_x

i should have watched the champions league final this morning. such drama!

and i'm still lost for inspiration. ppt templates for slc! looks at ruixiong's designs and i'm discouraged more than ever! \(>_<)/ and i have to redo the designs for ottee! grrr.

and ms.seng just called me lar! blehhhh. indian fps ! @_@

that's why they say you rather die than to fall sick in singapore.

2005-05-17T22:24:00.000+08:00

expectations... are they that hard to meet?
why is it when you have put in a lot effort, yet it isn't enough. how do you gauge the expectation that's pinned on you? by your position, by your potential?

2005-05-15T22:04:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | blank ]
[ Current Music | Tong Hua - Guang Liang ]

watched tong hua and ge qian mv. both revolves round a sick patient, but i still feel that ge qian is nicer! xP

alright now that sabah is over. its byebye obs, hello world. back to reality. 29 days to 11slc, and blehh everything's still not pieced together, the jigsaw puzzle is currently still missing pieces here and there. blehh. and the seniors are initating a plan b? and look at ruixiong's and jaja's nick.

[ 11SLC OT: Don't bother telling me OBS rocks. ] [ 1 more month to 11SLC ] Teddy Bear | Ours en peluche [ 11 Months since XSLC ]

Angelman [Plan 2][Welcome back people from SABAH! Did you have FUN?][Congrats to those who reached the summit!]

blehh. come on ot, we're going to put our act together!

hahah just a general observation on our msn nicknames.

yinghao: [ YinGhaO ] the only way to get to the top is to get off ur bottom [ ob sabah rox ]

jared: -|partC'waHh, zhaii!!!-]| | OBSabah ROCKS! my life's most enriching experience.

daniel: -= DeStInYy =- OBSabah ; conquered kinabalu; 9km trek up. 4km high. Holy

stanley: band.of.bros] shine! OBSabah rawks

yuguang: .:. \\ Taurus'05_OBSabah rox...Champions...ian i wan de-BRIEF

ian: [`ian'.] ____ xD' // The way to the top is to get off your bottom.

xuanyi: xuanyi `* | OB Sabah ROCKS! - my life's most enriching experience. ^ mfl. _ NaGa!_

lokky: - Lokky - Back to reality... OBSabah = escapade from reality's crap

tingwei: [+|n9w3i][MRP][ICTC] OB SABAH ROX!!!! HWACHONG CONQUERS KINABALU. WHATS NEXT!!!!*high*

suayu: [11SLC] [29 days left till 11 SLC... we will] [OBS SABAH ROX... allowed me to see the best and worst in people and places...]

branden: OBS SABAH ROX..really meaningful/Managed to reach the summit of Kinabalu:DGrp Parang Rock On...back from sabah..i m really dead..

daryl: ** #---> " [OB Sabah] to serve, to strive and not to yield... |still ZIAO-ing|

zhenjie: |-) {Eurek@}|-) OB Sabah - Even In The Harshest of Places, Flowers Still Bloom...

shiwei: shiwei [11SLC-29days] _+OBSabah forever; taurus'05 - champion team

hahah a little self explanatory. well. back to slc.

2005-05-15T03:54:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | :( ]
[ Current Music | Michael Bublé - Home ]

to the tag in the tagboard: you needn't be so guilty if it isn't you. hm.

home sweet home.
i'm feeling comfortable, just had a refreshing hot bath, drank a cup of coffee, dressed in pyjamas, all relaxed... but empty.
the outward bound sabah camp came to a crashing end, just when everyone was all hyped up and ready for more. 48 of us, thrown into an unfamiliar environment, given harsh conditions, but we made the most out of it. looking at the nickname of those who have reached home. everyone has "OBSabah ROCKS" on it. hmm lemme begin from csm.

well. didn run for 800 and flunked 4x100. hahah i think i ran a 16. wtf lar. and we got last. i dunno what was i doing. i was like striding?! instead of sprinting. and wow all because of me, i pulled the whole team down. never mind. i vow, next year, watch out for 4a! (:

okayy so i rushed home to get my luggage and assembled at the open-air carpark for the briefing. when i got there, it was packed with bags and yahh parents talking to their sons, asking whether they've gotten this and that, and it really made me scared, and i listened to some of their conversations to see whether i missed out something. and all the parents crowding made me feel like as if it's our first day of kindergarten or something. where all the parents will look through the windows to see how their children is doing. boo. yupp so we're off, bus to senai airport, then plane to sabah. then a looooong bus ride to a inn where we rested for the night. was allocated to group 2, which was a shen3 group, having both brains and brawns, three gepers, one x-country champ, two waterpolo, two npcc and one scout.

second day group 1 and 2 went jungle trekking while 3 and 4 went sailing. so we had to reach to top of one hill 1550m high, and it was kinda tiring, not to mention filled with lots of mosquitoes, hahah but we were leading group 1 by 45 minutes. at around 2pm, we reached our campsite and we pitched our tents and went to sleep. then outdoor cooking! hahah making our own fire and cooking our own meals, and it was pretty delicious as well! yum. yupp and as it was outdoors, there were no toilets or whatsoever, so if you want to do your business, you have to dig a hole and stuff, hahah native-style!

third day we descended the hill, and basically we were like losing our balance and rolling down, because the gradient was super steep! its like you cannot see the ground in front of you, as if it was a cliff! hurhur. and a 6km long trek back to the obsabah centre, finally we got our bunks and we did rockclimbing and those typical high elements stuff after lunch. then it was sleep (at 8!)

fourth day group 1 and 2 went sailing and vice versa for 3 and 4. we had to sail to another island yahh and spend the night there. hurhur yupp and the same old thing, reached the island, pitched the tents and cooked dinner yupp and slept early again.

fifth day was sailing back and preparation for the highlight of the camp, mount kinabalu. woots- we took a bus to the kinabalu village to get souvenirs and then spent a night at a holiday resort, where the temperatures start to drop. brr cold. but tension started to rise in the kitchen, between group 2 and 3, hahah everybody bu shuang each other, and a fight almost broke up. the briefing on the climb up kinabalu was scary, it seemed forever to reach the summit, so many huts and peaks along the way! and the temperature there was like 5deg?! ahhh, i wasn't feeling optimistic about it at the beginning.

sixth day, start of climb. as usual, group two went first and reached gunting lagadon, the inn 6km up first, and somemore with a record time at 1.30pm. woots- okayy chou shi. i had a severe leg cramp at the final hut where we wasted 20 minutes there, so malu! hurhur. so the second group to arrive was group 3 at around 3.30, so we went out to welcome them and i guess our intentions were misunderstood, but yahh we played a little too far, clapping for them isn't the wisest thing to do, so zhiguang flew into a rage and bohh yu guang got angry with chiajone and all that little arguments here and there, hmm but sooon it was resolved i guess.

seventh day, woke up at 12.30am, continue to climb up kinabalu, this is when we had to put on our thermals, and 3 layers of clothes plus gloves and all those, bahh. and yet again, group two, first to startt and our progress was too fast because we had to reach at 5.30 to catch the sunrise, so we began to take breaks every 100m and it was real slack, compared to the 7 huts. there, all of us made it, the summit. we conquered mount kinabalu, and it was indeed a special feeling, because we did it not as 48 individuals, but as 1 huazhong. hahah but the expedition was far from over, we had to go back down all the way, the whole 8.7km, bleaghh. and the rain made it worse , back at the centre, it was dinner then sleep, but hmm we played cards till 1+ heheh.

eighth and final day, the final challenge, which consists of two sections, the long wall and rafting, and once again, group 2 won (: hehhe. alright. but it's the process that matters. then it was packing up, certificate presentation and yahh farewell. it was an emotional goodbye, when we sang you raise me up, jijo started to cry, and boo, almost everyone teared, kaiming, jerry etc. hahah and it was tears all the way to the airport. can't believe it ended just like that.

yahh, and so here i am, back at home. i know the above is like a liu shui zhang, but it means alot to me, or maybe to those who experienced all these. recalling and reflecting what you did. and the world is always this cruel, good things always come to an end. its such an irony, i still remember how i dread this camp cause everything's so ulu, no proper facilities and stuff, but if your think properly, being put out of your comfort zone and being able to explore you boundaries is the most comofortable. and it's a once-in-a lifetime chance, and i believe everyone surpassed their own limits, i doubt i can ever climb kinabalu alone.

i am lucky to be in group 2, taurus because firstly, the members' physical fitness is the strongest on average and we are all-rounded. a scout who can cook food and navigate, npcc cadets who can make fire and pitch tents, so we really had a brilliant headstart. but success cannot be achieved if we cannot get our act together, i must say we were the fastest to COME together, and i think kaiming's frankness was the one that brought us closer. hahah! and soon we showed the rest who we really are. legend.

chiajone.yuguang.shiwei.yinghao.ian.dianjun.calvin.kaiming.yicheng.wenzhe.yamhuo.ziyi.

im really missing sabah. missing our instructor who gave us the first impression of being retarded but he rocks and he uses tongkat ali! (x missing the rafflesia bunk which smelled the same as its name. missing the canteen where our group will be the one who waits for everyone to have their food before we sart to eat. missing everything that made up the 8 days. and now its like a dream, it seems that nothing has ever happened and it's back to square one, tomorrow we're going back to school for normal lessons. hahah. but i'm sure the 48 of us will never forget this week.

OBSabah - the best ever camp.

2005-05-05T23:11:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | blank-ed ]
[ Current Music | 倒帶 - 周杰倫 ]

physics
~~mutual~~
prog stuff
english essay
biology
gic

had chem common test today. well i think it was relatively easy but bahh could lose lots of marks due to carelessness, oh well hoping for a 40 and above so that msg would be less than 3, hahah so i won't get relieved off my duties. i think the main highlight was that it was last test we go off for a holiday, rather than what mistakes we made. after the test could see many people just fisting the air, "gahh. finally its over" these few weeks are hell man. oh well, hope i can survive sabah. well got into some relationship problems with some of my classmates. probably because i was already in a bad mood. well and i truely reflected what an ENFP would do.

1. whatever mann. everything that goes wrong is because of me. everything i say out right, every secret u tell me = i tell the rest right. hah still say what im suspicious, don't tell you anything. i dunno lar, maybe u have a strong sense of justice, but please do not assume again. i hate it when im accused for something i did not do, and everyone starts pointing fingers at me. wow, then when the truth is out, and i'm not the one, i will be the one who takes the first step to say SORRY right. oh well.

2. and wheres your sensitivity?

3. hahah and i feel that you could cut down on that arrogance, so what if you have been getting straight As, huh, awards lar, all-rounder lar. despise us is it. sometimes i really can't stand it

sean flared up today on douglas. i thought they were just playing around as usual, but sean was dead serious. i tried to inject some humour but was just cut down by sean. it's the first time i've ever seen him that angry, hes the gay-gay (as in happy gay xD) type who would most likely be at the bottom of the list for hot-tempered people. hmm this is what happens when we are driven to our limits. remembered there was a time i fought with wenqiang? blehh. alright
and lam's lesson was plain fun! woots- hurhur. helped zhikai with his 1 op okay!
ermm englishh. brrr. chiajone, yuguang, chenfeng, douglas and i were playing around in the library and got scolded by cheryl, now gotta write a 400-word essay titled "social etiquette in the library", how cool is that.

and i don't know what to do for slc. combined meeting tomorrow. i'm lost seriously. \(x_x)/ and i haven started packing for sabah, i'm not ready for it either. i don't know whats happening now. everything's all messed up. right now theres a talk by jaja before the meeting. and he's gonna niao me. alright i deserve it lar, ponned 2 combined meetings, not attending slc, dunno whatt type of programmes i/c am i. wheres the drive i said i was full of? wheres the determination and will to press on? i've lost it.

and this had to happen. i dunno what's happening even. why are you so cold all of a sudden. i cannot take this anymore.

my life.
pieces.

2005-05-04T21:31:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | breaking down ]
[ Current Music | Nelly Furtado - Try ]

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Try... Try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people, are really not real at all
The more I learn, the more I learn
The more I cry the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try ohh try
Try... Try... Try... Try

All of the moments that already passed
already passed)
We'll try to go back and make them last
(make them last)
All of the things we want each other to be
(each other to be)
We never will be, we never will be
And that's wonderful, that's life
That's you baby
This is me baby
We are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are
Free
In our love
We are free in our love

try

stop torturing me. it's the worst thing that i have ever gone through. worse than the broken collar bone, worse than failing tests, worse than getting last in class. ouch.

2005-05-03T23:43:00.000+08:00

i'm having this splitting headache now, and i've got this strange feeling. somehow my mind is being splitted into so many portions, a little bit on mugging, a little bit on doing slc stuff, a litle bit on chatting, a little bit of worrying what would happen in sabah and all kinds of stuff. and i just couldn focus, not that the focal length is very long, and you know in the end, nothing's gonna get out of it. in the end, you will still flunk your tests, dao your friends on msn, rejected proposals and little bits of setbacks here and there.
so i hobbled to the tv and i watched the news, saw lots of people grieving over the late mr wee kim wee and i related it back to council. if only the student body was half as appreciative as the citizens.. ahh well. let's just cheer together on csm, or at least louder than our counterparts and ensure the "hui jia" thingie doesn continue.
alright. more programmes stuff to do. blehh and jijo wants us to all cut botak for sabah, although i dont want to, i just dunno how to reject him. ~~maybe i'm just too nice (x~~ probably because i feel that i owe him too much, first leaving slc and letting him be the prog i/c instead, like what jerry said, he will freak out, and secondly, i've turned him down far too many times. blehh im guilty. oh yahh! i forgot to take my malaria pills for obs till today! am i going to die ! i'm late by 4 full days!! rahhhhhh
and that stupid school have to just be so nice to criticize us. "oh im shocked at how you guys do things" and oh "you have to stick to your programme, we have to leave singapore at 5" whatever you fuck, we have been doing this longer than you've been bitching at your students, do you think we don't know how to plan? let's just see how shocked you are when you come over. you think you can scare us just because we're frigging students? let's see how your student leaders fare.
rahhh okayy friday i have drill mutual test, then then ifc/m16 mutual practice then slc meeting then helping-out-in-csm-banner, then reach home at 2 then settle the prog stuff before handling them to jianrui before going sabah, then sleep for an 1hour or so, then go to school for csm. yay. oh yeahh where's the word HAPPY in the schedule.
bahh somemore im running. blehh. support me yahh ! xP

alright back to mugging history.

2005-04-29T00:01:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | peace ]
[ Current Music | 園遊會-周杰倫 ]

finally finished update the slc egroups. although i may not be here during the 4 actual days, i will make sure the planning process is flawless so that when daryl takes over, it would be an easier task. sorry slc ot, i've disappointed you. -looks at suayu- d(x_x)b oh well. at least the choice's made, i'm less stressed, and can focus on tests.
basically for the past few weeks, it was late nights. 3.30 last night hahah. english and chinese test were quite alright for me. tomorrow's biology can seriously kill. digestion is super cheem can. and its midnight now, still stuck at nutritions? somebody save me. ahh, procrastination again. oh well. have to finish mugging by hook or by crook, need my a1. three more tests and off to sabah i go. yay

whoarr tonights jing zhong ren damn drama can.

it's been hard on you the past days, can see the fatigue and sheer exhaustion in you. hang on, it's going to be a rough but memorable ride. don't push yourself too much, cause you're weak. heh and yeahh i'm always behind you.

i'll wait even till the end of time cause you're worth it

2005-04-26T23:44:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | peaceful ]
[ Current Music | Almost - Bowling for Soup ]

finally, i started mugging. i'm going to be a full-pledged mugger! wahahhah! -emulates kangjie-

another clash today. spec course briefing with 4x400 finals. in the end douglas ran for me, we got 4th. almost! damnit lahh. why must there be conflict in everything i do? why can't life be smooth-sailing? for once? and why the fuck must i always be the one who have to choose. why can't it be someone else? oh well, next year 3a. next year we will !

brr still thinking about spec-slc.
its like one side of my head going spec.spec.spec.spec.spec. and the other going slc.slc.slc.slc.slc. ahh you understand, its those battle of the weighing-the-pros-and-cons-but-still-cannot-decide conflict.

hahah thanks everyone who cared about me and gave me advice. at least you guys gave me your listening ears, and yahh allowed me to vent it all out. hahah but the cold hard fact that i always have is, "so it's up to you to decide". sometimes i wonder whhat's the point. up to me to decide. wow like i have lots of power and do i look like i have a choice?

oh well i've told suayu to pretend nothing had happened. one month more to slc. last lap, pia it all, and decide later.. when time comes. hahah.

okayy mugg!

2005-04-25T23:47:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | BOO. ]
[ Current Music | 愛我別走-周杰倫 ]

blehh just when i finally stopped talking about it and started on my mugging.
seng i walked across an empty land says:
*pressures shiwei*
seng i walked across an empty land says:
you, go for SLC.... spec course, you can take later on in the year
seng i walked across an empty land says:
especially since you're programmes I/C
shiwei_+ the lousy alarm clock; mps! says:
ARGH.
shiwei_+ the lousy alarm clock; mps! says:
thanks seng !
seng i walked across an empty land says:
i don't mind if you're like yuan jun, but you're I/C
seng i walked across an empty land says:
not committee member, got a lot of difference
seng i walked across an empty land says:
i'm not exactly giving you a choice, but who cares =P

2005-04-24T01:57:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | mao dun ]
[ Current Music | 1985 - Bowling for Soup ]

doing homework noww. yay, i feel so energetic ! hahah okayy.
after reading suayu's entry, tag and erm talking to him online, i feel all so confused again. spec course or slc ?!
i know i cannot satisfy both parties, whatever choice i make, i will be affecting the people around me. i don't want to lose a good friend, neither do i want to lose my ep3. argh. help me? i'm still waiting for that miracle to happen, spec course to change dates like last year, where lujie and yuanjun narrowly missed slc. hahah. then again, when i refer to the 9th, yongkai chose slc. i'm prog i/c, it's really irresponsible of me to just leave my committee on their own. seriously.
why do i have always have to make these decisions !

spec or slc.

2005-04-23T21:38:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | bleagh ]
[ Current Music | 止戰之殤-周杰倫 ]

bahh talk about yesterday. managed to raise my maths to a pass. 21/40. hahah exemption seems impossible. i need tuition! bleaghh. hahha luckily my physics noww an a2. but my msg sucks, hahah later get relieved off duties.

okayy my morning was really a bad one. tingwei just ticked me off because me and the slc peeps were basically fei4 yesterday at csm banner painting. so i countered, saying that there were no brushes. so he just yelled, saying that okay fine then you guys shouldn even be there! FINE. i'm telling you noww, i won't even go for anymore banner activities. and it's my fault that somehow slc cropped up and i had to settle it with my members, and it's even my fault when branden taught alfred his magic tricks. forget it, i wanted to stay the night before like last year to help put up the banners, since we're not appreciated or needed. FORGET IT. so basically we both gave each other the cold shoulder. hahah. so much for close friends. so much for coming down to help. fine i admit i was really useless then, come to think of it, i never touched the brush, and i know you're under lots of pressure, i can understand. but wow you're really unreasonable here. hahha suan le.

then bleagh i got caught sleeping thrice! so unlucky! hahah first time, cause for the whole of this term, i have been sleeping like almost every day? and i had some close shaves, but thanks to kangjie, who always slaps me whenever i doze off, and a little bit of luck here and there, i was never caught. today! blehh 2 consecutive periods! biology and maths! mrs har was like, "shiwei! don't sleep if not ill ask you to stand outside", then mrs teng, "shiwei! go wash your face! malu ! >< then the third time was during training ! blehh! cause there was some talk about the new 6-year programme by some district commander, so while waiting for him to arrive, we were seated in lt4, blehh and i actually dozed off! then the sergeant was like staring at me! hahha in the end we were asked to leave the lt to go down and ermm .. yah.
spec course. hahah. dream or reality?

the past few days i've been quarrelling with my mum about my commitments. especially this morning it was quite heated. i didn eat my breakfast and just slammed the door, bahh i was really too impulsive but i really couldn take it anymore. my term has been really hectic, everyday ive been sleeping like not before 1am? and what i really need now is support, and not criticism! everyday keep nagging, asking why im so busy, i asked for it myself, then what quit council, and stuff. i was like ?? so do you want me to come home everyday after school at 1.30pm? be a freaking mugger, get straight a1s, top the level before you're happy? i'm not like don't care about my studies? you also seen how hard i mug? i know i admit, the primary role that i play in school is after all a student, which is to study and so called "learn as many things". fine! but im not neglecting my studies ! it's not as if im purposely failing my tests! i know i look unstable, always doing last-minute stuff, but can i help it? no! instead of always preaching me, could u give me support! i know you're very understanding already so i'll always appreciate and tolerate what you say. but these few days are like hell for me, and i don't need additional pressure. i really don't want to end up in the state of breaking down and cry in the middle of the night. please.

i want to excel. who doesn't? but you gotta admit that there's ups and downs. you're almost driving me to the edge of the cliff, and i'm going to jump down someday if you don't stop.

okayy. hahah 4x100 got into finals! whee. but i pulled the rest down lar. basically. hahah i cannot be first runner for god's sake! hahah but good work! hahah. and 16x200 we combined with aphelion because we didn have enough runners and we got 3rd! first medal hahhaha! it was really a remarkable feat. from last to 3rd. i was 4th runner, cut two people okayy ! hahah then in the end that jia nan hah! lag till last, somemre behind by 200m. but wow our middle runners simply rule, from junwen all the way to yuanchang, we just overtook them on by one. aphelion rules. hahaH! 4x400's next tuesday and i feel all so motivated to pia. (x

today we had a mbti course. and im a ENFP! hahah !
General: ENFPs are both "idea"-people and "people"-people, who see everyone and everything as part of an often bizarre cosmic whole. They want to both help (at least, their own definition of "help") and be liked and admired by other people, on bo th an individual and a humanitarian level. They are interested in new ideas on principle, but ultimately discard most of them for one reason or another.

Social/Personal Relationships: ENFPs have a great deal of zany charm, which can ingratiate them to the more stodgy types in spite of their unconventionality. They are outgoing, fun, and genuinely like people. As SOs/mates they are warm, affectionate (l ots of PDA), and disconcertingly spontaneous. However, attention span in relationships can be short; ENFPs are easily intrigued and distracted by new friends and acquaintances, forgetting about the older ones for long stretches at a time. Less mature ENFPs may need to feel they are the center of attention all the time, to reassure them that everyone thinks they're a wonderful and fascinating person.

ENFPs often have strong, if unconvential, convictions on various issues related to their Cosmic View. They usually try to use their social skills and contacts to persuade people gently of the rightness of these views; his sometimes results in their negle cting their nearest and dearest while flitting around trying to save the world.
Work Environment: ENFPs are pleasant, easygoing, and usually fun to work with. They come up with great ideas, and are a major asset in brainstorming sessions. Followthrough tends to be a problem, however; they tend to get bored quickly, especially if a newer, more interesting project comes along. They also tend to be procrastinators, both about meeting hard deadlines and about performing any small, uninteresting tasks that they've been assigned. ENFPs are at their most useful when working in a group w ith a J or two to take up the slack.

ENFPs hate bureaucracy, both in principle and in practice; they will always make a point of launching one of their crusades against some aspect of it.

wahhah most of the aphelion councillor peeps belong here too! but i was quite surprised that im a extrovert, i thought i was a more myself person. hahah but it was really cool larh, the whole concept behind it. hahah then it was smops aar and slc meeting. then slc outing, which i ponned in the end. i really made suayu pissed off i guess. hahah. blehh. mei you lian jian ta. >< sorry suayu. but prog shall not fail.

okayy homework i guess ! freaking kangjie just had to say that he'd finished everything yesterday from 9 - 2! grrr ! \(x_x)/

2005-04-22T00:03:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | bleagh ]
[ Current Music | Westlife - Swear it Again ]

life's that unfair i guess. it's all about making decisions, but why do i always have to make these crucial decisions, especially when both options are so dear to me. giving up on either one will surely make people around me unhappy. but there can never be a best of two worlds, the choice must be made sooner or later. and both's gonna affect me, my two commitments, my two responsibilities. how how how. i have to give an answer soon. and i cannot satisfy both sides. okay i've decided!

6-2=4
sorry. it was a tough decisio. but it was a decision that had to be made.

and hahah it's so unfair too. i mugged real hard for maths last night. i started from 10-1. then i slept from 1-3. woke up and continued till around 4.30 then i slept till 6, then rushed to school, and continued again. in the end i still got a 18/40. wow. then it's like everybody's getting their a1s and a2s. kangjie, yuguang, zhiguang, douglas etc. hahah i feel like a complete loser. nvm i must strive to be like kangjie, so fast all his tests all a1. i shall be a mugger ! -determined- the next day you will see me with a bald head and those real thick, black specs that tingwei used to wear. my shorts will be above my naval, and my socks will be knee-length. woots- hahah just cannot believe my luck lar.

2005-04-20T00:43:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | numb ]
[ Current Music | Nelly Furtado - Try ]

finally completed the egyptian maths powerpoint with yuanchang. why the heck did they have to be so smart? invent their own numerals, their own method of addition, subtraction etc. caused so much trouble x_x
hahah now have to revise for thursday's maths test. i got a feeling its gonna be another flunk. i'm trying to prevent my eyes from concentrating on one spot cause my vision will go all blurry and my head will slowly be lowered and poof the next morning i will find myself infront of the laptop. bleaghh. and it always happens during crucial periods. EXCEPT NOW.
thou shalt not sleep.
whahah today was super unlucky, i fell asleep on the bus trip home, and somehow overshot. ended up at cck? sloppily took the lrt home and boom bathed and went back to sleep. bahhh. slept during ss lesson again, with kangjie waking me up repeatedly. thanks (:
3a tomorrow's 16 x 200. we're gonna show who's the king of the track.
woots. hahah can't wait for 4 x 400 to come. medal.medal.medal.medal!

童话-光良

忘了有多久再没听到你对我说你最爱的故事
我想了很久我开始慌了是不是我又做错了什么
你哭着对我说童话里都是骗人的我不可能是你的王子
也许你不会懂从你说爱我以后我的天空星星都亮了
我愿变成童话里你爱的那个天使张开双手变成翅膀守护你

你要相信相信我们会像童话故事里幸福和快乐是结局
我要变成童话里你爱的那个天使张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信相信我们会像童话故事里幸福和快乐是结局
我会变成童话里你爱的那个天使张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信相信我们会像童话故事里幸福和快乐是结局
一起写我们的结局

wahaha seems like everyone's addicted to it. been singing it in school like non-stop, with yuanchang, in the classroom, canteen, even the toilet and bio lab. hahha. oh yahh, i just realized cyndi's songs are actually nice! chenfeng will probably kill me if he reads this. i always thought she's the got looks, no voice type. hahah i'm going to get her honey album! okayy back to surds..

2005-04-16T22:31:00.000+08:00

running a temperature now. ><
head feels so heavy, but nevertheless i managed to crawl of my deathbed and here i am blogging ! (:

smops was a success ! and i guess it was really worth it sacrificing. [to be continued!]

[added: 7.37am] okayy i had a good night's sleep and i feel all so fine! first thing i did when i woke up was to eat potato chips xD don't scold me for not taking care of myself cause that's the only edible thing i could find in the cupboard. =x i feel much better now and probably can participate in activities like ermm soccer? and WATCHING MOVIES. xP

okayy i still remember last week till around wednesday this week, every recess, chiajone, woankeng, zhenjie and yuguang would disappear to pia smops. and i was like totally so not involved, till kangjie woke me up, as in literally during ss lesson and yahh metaphorically. guilt was what i was feeling, looking at yuguang's weary face and stories on how many MINUTES chiajone slept a day, and woankeng was down with feer. so the 3 days before smops, i got involved cause it was OUR event. even though for the past few days, chiajone and co. didn scold me for slacking or whatsoever, i know that brshh. what the hell di did shiwei do for smops? hahah. okayy so yahh, and blehh can i say that i fit in well? i dunno. the only thing i can say that it's memorable and enjoyable. for every event, the last few days are the funnest, when the ot sits together and pia all the last minute stuff, encouraging one another on and talking nonsense while doing.
woots- so i decided to move in to boarding school on thursday night. don't ask me how i did that =P so on thursday night, the plan was to sleep from 10-1 and then pia all the way =D of course plans DO change and backfire. yuguang and i didn sleep, instead the whole room turned into a lan centre with 5 laptops. wenyuan, chenfeng, jianan, huangpei etc. and it was the first time i actually played counterstrike. (though i always see my dead body with blood gushing out in less than 10 seconds after the round began.) heyy but i improved! i slowly managed to kill one or too bots and yahh. so we all agreed to stop at 12 and then rest. well at least for the rest, yuguang and i were mugging for maths i guess and making fun of kangjie who was sleeping soundly. so 1am came. -rejoices- we went over to the other wing of the hall to wake up chiajone, poked and poked, yelled and yelled, finally the giant woke up! :D so we went back to our room to wake kangjie, and eww wenyuan your method is disgusting hurhur. ok back to story, kangjie didn even budge so we thought we would let him rest. so we went back to chiajone's room. boom, snoring as usual. so we attempted another time, then he woke up, and we went to pantry to make supper. finally chia jone went out and we started work. 1.30 blehh. so yuguang and i revised the action plans, procedures, manpower and stuff. and after we completed we went back to sleep, leaving chiajone to finish up his admin part. yuguang and i chatted for a while, but soon fell asleep. i was waiting for a sms that didn come in the end. -stares-
so blehhh next day, i slept in bio and chi lesson. but it was fun. (: yahh and friday night was spent with chiajone and yuguang sleeping before i checked in. so wenyuan adn the rest of the horny freaks watched mean girls xD and it was the day where my phone bill will skyrocket ! =x hurhur. and i waited for 1h for that message again! with wild thoughts going through my head, why didn the reply came? was it because the person was mad? but i chose to believe thta the person slept and went to bed with a heavy head.
saturday - finally smops came. it's our day. hahah. during registration, was helping jianrui with the info counter and usher. wth can, compared to orientation, smops was like "whoarr" but content-based, it still pales in comparison xD orientation'05! okay , it was time to prepare for dismissal. was getting real scared cause i was placed in clock tower, the first batch of students to leave, if i screw up, the whole event will screw up as well.. -pressurized- but luckily with the help of the teachers and the dismissal officers, we managed to clear the first batch smoothly, so smooth that the dismissal this year broke last year's record! whee. hahah the look on chern wei's face =D
hurhur. yay my first actual event with aphelion council somehow the feeling is different, but no doubt better =D alright.

2005-04-12T23:18:00.000+08:00

investiture's tomorrow. and i really want to pon it. thinking of ways now. hahah though it's a new beginning to everything, the new council, the hcis council, the nsr and stuff, i want to escape from it all. i told everyone else that i've kan kai, but the fact is i haven't, and i'm still really bu gan xin about it. it's not because i cannot, this fucked up system is so biased, and i'm forced to act as though i'm fucking indebted to you all! i'm not going to work this year, and it's all your fucking fault. relieve me of my duties if you want, cause i don't give a damn. how i wished next year came soon. then all this will be over.
i was all smiles at the rehearsal today, but in fact, my heart was in pieces, i couldn't help but recall and think. but i'm not supposed to show that i'm sad, that i'm fed up, because INVESTITURE IS SUPPOSED TO BE A HAPPY THING, ISN'T IT. hah, where everybody rejoices because it's the start of their term of office in council, and hoorays all over. sorry i shouldn't be harbouring all these thoughts right now cause firstly helloh, tomorrow's invest? and secondly, whatever i say or do now will not change anything. well i guess that's life as many people told me before. ups and downs. but i just don't get it, why must the fucking system be so fucking biased and only against me?
maybe i will not bring council u tomorrow, so i will just have to participate as a normal audience, better still. no sorrows, no pain, just applauding for my peers and seniors. hah.
okay okay enough of that. ss test was okayy ! (: and grrr i freaking pissed off with napfa. i missed 6 cms off standing broad jump, if not i would have gotten full marks. ahh! next week! 30 or nothing! heheheh. oh yahh yesterday was supposed to have 4 x 400 heats, i think 3a has a high chance of a medal ! yay. -bounces- we're gonna so rock csm.

the ride home was dead BORING. =P but it's okayy. cause it just makes my day being able to be beside you, watching you sleep like a pig . yao ding ni.

2005-04-10T20:40:00.000+08:00

You scored as Suicide. Your death will be suicide. What more can I say? Fact: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Suicide

80%

Gunshot

67%

Posion

60%

Bomb

60%

Stabbed

60%

Suffocated

53%

Drowning

53%

Eaten

47%

Cut Throat

47%

Disappear

33%

Natural Causes

33%

Accident

33%

Disease

27%

How Will You Die??
created with QuizFarm.com

![PART C] || Believe in miracles. | History repeats itself. Cos people never change. So...Change! says:
endure!!!
shiwei_+ meet the people session; THARMAN SAID I LOOKED LIKE A BBALL PLAYER says:
thanks
shiwei_+ meet the people session; THARMAN SAID I LOOKED LIKE A BBALL PLAYER says:
i knoww.
shiwei_+ meet the people session; THARMAN SAID I LOOKED LIKE A BBALL PLAYER says:
last 3 months !
![PART C] || Believe in miracles. | History repeats itself. Cos people never change. So...Change! says:
yep!!
shiwei_+ meet the people session; THARMAN SAID I LOOKED LIKE A BBALL PLAYER says:
lol u got me so high noww.
![PART C] || Believe in miracles. | History repeats itself. Cos people never change. So...Change! says:
....stop gaying though...
shiwei_+ meet the people session; THARMAN SAID I LOOKED LIKE A BBALL PLAYER says:
but when nco-ship comes, it's only the beginning. that's when our real challenge start. and we will rise up to the occasion. i believe in the part, i believe in everyone of us. even when somebody falls, the rest will be there to back him up. and one day the best unit will be back at our court.
![PART C] || Believe in miracles. | History repeats itself. Cos people never change. So...Change! says:
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!ENDURE!!!!!!!!ALL THE WAY
![PART C] || Believe in miracles. | History repeats itself. Cos people never change. So...Change! says:
NCC ROX!!!!!!!!!!!
![PART C] || Believe in miracles. | History repeats itself. Cos people never change. So...Change! says:
FOREVER!!!!!!!!!

hahah zhiyi made me high! woots-

2005-04-09T20:42:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | numb ]
[ Current Music | Jolin Tsai - Shuo Ai Ni ]

can hardly open my eyes now. x_x slept at 230 woke up at 600. hahah okayy anyway today was the first session of the mp attachment programme, i was attached to -clears throat- mr tharman shanmugaratnam, minister for education and mp for jurong grc. -phew- yeahh apart from the irony that he was the goh for today's activity, which was the founding ceremony of the CHINESE society for the promotion of young writers, it was pretty cool. (: tomorrow theres block visit and im really much looking forward to it, im going to be an active grassroot member! hahah !

haiz. i feel so useless. for the past few weeks, you have been practising and training non-stop, and all i could do is to type jiayou! ni ke yi de!, it's so meaningless. although i am always behind you, i want to do more. oh well, maybe i will sneak in on monday. hahah. okayy the hard work u have put in, the sweat u broke, the injuries u were inflicted with, the tears u shed when you were under pressure, the homework you didn do because you were simply too tired, and the sms-es u sent containing >.< will all be paid off. i'm sure. you've simply given too much, surpassed your own limits, and i'm sure you will make it. and then it will be my turn to pia =D hahah. i'm always with you. jiayou !

2005-04-09T00:31:00.000+08:00

having some kind of conversation/arguement/debate/struggle on msn with zhiyi now ? and its getting nowhere, here i am trying to ask him to believe in me? there he is despising me. even though i clarified with him, he doesn't give a damn. argh i don't know how to reply lah. this is so frustrating. ahh he went offline. i think he's going to go back to dao mode again lar, after i finally tried so hard to make him forgive me. and the last thing i need is for him to despise me.

hahah okayy so got punished lar. was expecting it to come before attendance taking like last time. but this time round it came after training instead, we were supposed to run 3 rounds round the driveway in long 4 with a time limit and 100 pushups. and we did it. yah for the part, we owe you guys this, or at least this was the least we could give after -bleh- so it was going to be the end of training, then lujie called the 3 of us up in front of the whole part and started to babble on and on. then he told us to stay back to complete the punishment so yarh.

okayy this part is going to be abit ugly lar. i know i'm going to get alot of trouble but oh well. freedom of speech. every week, i always find myself getting punished. from the time i didn call the part about the shooting range, to now, and the ncos always used the best improved cadet plaque to pick on me, which i totally hate. look here, from dec camp till now, i didn't give up at all, i admit i SUCK as an i/c, i'm only used when there's training details to be passed down, when there's cip projects, and the proposals, and when there's badges to be bought. but i never gave up? and i was particularly pissed off when you guys said, "i dunno how many times we have been fooled." i can swear this is the first and it will be the last time it will ever happen. and blehh nobody knows the truth! or rather the minority. but i refuse to save myself only. it's just too selfish.

oh well it might be good that i just step down and be a follower now. my time to lead has gone and i guess it should be the end for me. but when nco-ship comes, it's only the beginning. that's when our real challenge start. and we will rise up to the occasion. i believe in the part, i believe in everyone of us. even when somebody falls, the rest will be there to back him up. and one day the best unit will be back at our court. just you watch.

but for now. just lemme get things on the right track. for the past few days, i have been thinking about what happened during my term as i/c, and its really sad that things have turned out this way. i know you guys see the potential in me, thats why you guys were so agitated whenever i commit mistakes, even when i leave early, and im happy, not like how you all treat certain people, pon every training since the start of the year, and don't seem to care. i appreciate that. and its a shame, a disgrace to disappoint you all. and frankly speaking, for the past week, i wasn't even thinking of the punishment that would be metted, pump then pump, knock then knock, run then run, i was ashamedd in fact. everyday i see the ncos in school, and i quickly run off in fear, i fear looking in their eyes, for if i do, i would only see the words "loser". i couldn take that way of avoiding anymore, how i wish i could clarify things with ernest or lujie. but the "irony" in ernest's nickname makes me even more ashamed, and lujie, i guess because we were in sust last year, it made me even scared to go confide in him. so i went to mrs chai. i'm glad she could understand my plight and we both concluded that the appropriate term to use was "bad karma", cause i was getting into trouble for all the wrong reasons, and she now advises me to lie low, which i totally agree too. alright.

khangchiang is talking to me now too. hahah i thought i was going to be another scolding session, but i feel much better now. except for my left knee, which i think was aggravated because of the punishment. >< but oh well, i will still hang on, heats starts next week, and i will run! for the class ! alright 3A! today everybody all mass participate, that's the class spirit man. although we're muggers, we are spirited muggers ! xP we almost clinched top 3 class in cross-country for two years, now we shall show what we are made of in csm, and next year's cross country. alright ! hahah =D but on the other hand, after csm is straight away ob sabah, how am i going to survive?

okayy let's not end today on a bad note! tomorrow's the 1st session of mp attachment. mr tharman shanmugaratnam. woots- hahah. okayy. good night !

i lost the chance. i lost the trust u had in me. i lost everything.

2005-04-05T05:03:00.000+08:00

the time isn't a glitch ! xD new way of studying i guess.
okayy. from friday to yesterday, i met lots of people who told me i would be in deep trouble because of that lie, and true enough, the screwing came yesterday. and i took the rap for it. and i feel foolish now, yet at the same time glad, because my situation before this incident is already bad enough, so by adding just one more SIN to my name doesn't make a difference lar, compared to the other two who were with me. but i swear it wasn't me, ah heck oh well, i can't clear my name now. and i probably won't bother do so. i can't be selfish right. I AM SUPPOSED TO HAVE THIS BROTHERHOOD SPIRIT, isn't that what ncc all about.
but one thing i'm depressed about is zhiyi. he is ignoring me now totally and i don't want to lose this friend so zhiyi this is for you. whether you see it or not. okay i know i suck zhiyi, im a complete loser. every week, i said i will change, and every week i find myself sinking into bigger trouble. from the air rifle incident, to the debrief where i fought to noww. i've failed terribly i know, what kind of i/c is this, i had so much potential. but all turned out to zilch. i gave nothing but disappointment, but this incident is really yuan wang, i've explained it to you in class a few times, but you just wouldn't listen, and i feel really lost, i'm losing friends. and i don't want that. BECAUSE I'M STILL NOT GIVING UP. I NEVER DID.

[added] do you know how embarrassing it is when i walk past the ncos in school? khang chiang? ernest? lujie? i dare not look into their eyes, for i sense the fear, i've let them down, the trust is shattered? and everything they just turned their heads away in the other direction, and walk past me like i'm nothing to them, do you know how hurt i feel. any other day, when i meet kc, he would smile and say hello, and i feel great, but today, i walked and i looked at him, with that pitiful face of mine hoping for a "hello", and he looked backk, i knew he was angry and i couldn't face him, i walked away.

but i'm not giving up. and you have to trust me. band of brothers, last stretch liao. help me through.. please ?
as i sink further down, i won't want you to turn your back against me and just walk away. i feel even more depressed. sorry. please forgive me, it really hurts me when you dao me over and over again, when u speak to douglas/kangjie etc. i tried to join in, then you will always ignore. i was so happy when you asked me if i bought marksman badge. hah.

okayokay. no more depressing stuff.
the task i faced yesterday in school was to try to stay awake during lessons! during ss was dozing off, with a pen in my hand somemore, then i was practically drawing! all the words i written were untidy. brr. and we didn manage to present the stnicks presentation during consortium assembly. and its all my fault. seems like everything bad that happened, it's all me. all me. hahah then i realized, the bigger task i had was how to spend the 5 hours after school! >< stupid you ! so i went to eat my lunch real slowly, ~~try to~~ study physics and ended up sleeping in class, went to find lam for smrp and doing homework. after all the dragging and stuff, i realized i had two whole hours left. and where to go where to go! so i remembered csm meeting, so i was outside the classroom walking around, hurhur. and finally when the ny peeps left, i went into the classroom and used the computer. woots- ruian's video! hahah ! okayy but the wait was worth it lar. grrr, but a tiring one! i was so tired i was dozing off almost every other minute larr ! okay okay. gotta prepare the bio presentation and for school ! see ya.

its YOU. YOU YOU YOU.

2005-04-02T19:41:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | WORRIED ]
[ Current Music | mean girls? ]

this is one of the worst times i've ever lived before.
i played the prank too far and i'm still staring at the handphone screen with so much anxiety, for two hours, how i wished that the screen would light up, vibrate, and "1 message received" would appear. anxiety, and it isn't excitement, it's the total opposite ! i didn want this to happen, my plan all went wrong. i was planning to stop it all last night at midnight with a call and a good night. but i couldn't, we were having solo night, okayy out of the point, so i didn. so i asked her out for lunch and i wanted to explain during lunch. i broke camp too early, so i went kap for breakfast, i was trying so hard to waste time. okayy 10am i was done, i called cj and kj to smuggle me in to boarding school so that at least we're nearby? but bahh they were going home for the weekends, so i waited at the busstop at hci, and i did i tell you, i was determined to wait till the practice was over. but that call came, dad called me to come home asap by 12, so i thought the practice was going to end, however it was the other way round, and i really couldn't wait. so i CANCELLED. and i revealed because i didn want to push it further and now im just bearing the consequences of the joke i played.
i cannot take it anymore !
i'm calling.

sorry.

2005-03-30T23:46:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | argh? ]
[ Current Music | Hoobastank - The Reason ]

task. task. task. task. task. task. task. task. task. task. task.
ti..

this is the proportion of the number of tasks to the amount of time i have. woots-

hurhur stupid lo. i'm now doing the st.nicks ppt and video for monday's presentation, another chance for me to prove myself! -tells myself not to stutter ! -
hahah okayy lemme finish this and i will sleep !

YOU TOO OKAYY! -waves-

2005-03-30T00:46:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | ]
[ Current Music | ]

Rainbow of Icons by FreezingInTheSno
Your name
Favorite Color
Birthday
Your Pink Icon
Your Blue Icon
Your Yellow Icon
Your Green Icon
Your Red Icon
Your Purple Icon
Your Orange Icon

Quiz created with MemeGen!

What does your t-shirt say? by rejektedrockstar
Name
Age
Fav. Color
Gender
Ta-Da

Quiz created with MemeGen!

somebody tell me why am i still here! after i chased her off, and said that we should be sleeping. i'm back here, finishing the designs. and i'm seriously dead beat. this kind of slping hours have been on for the last four weeks and i'm seriously not benefiting from this. but what can i do?
all i wish for is for her to have enough rest. =D

anyway pe today was stupid, exercise on the terraces? then we ran 1km, heheh finished 5th =P behind chiajone, yuguang, stanley and hanlin. then we tried 200m? left knee hurt. =x napfa next week! pretty optimistic about it! -bounces-
lessons were okayy and smooth-going, but try having two practicals especially when u only had like 3 hours of sleep? was so scared that i would spill the concentrated sulphuric acid on my hand? hahah oh am glad the day has ended. hoping for the weekends to come earlier! oh maybe not, next week's worse!

hang in there. i'm with you.

2005-03-28T23:01:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | optimistic ]
[ Current Music | Robbie Williams - Old Before I Die ]

Robbie Williams - Old Before I Die

She's taking me places,
I should never have been
She's showing me faces,
I should never have seen
Well these are strange days,
We're living in today
C'est la vie I say

I hope I'm old, before I die
I hope I'll live to relive
The days gone by
I hope I'm old before I die
Well tonight I'm gonna
Live for today
So come along for the ride
I hope I'm old before I die

She's not feeling stable
She's unable to breathe
Her heart's beating faster
So I'll ask her to leave
These are strange days,
We're living in today
Am I straight or gay?

I hope I'm old, before I die
I hope I'll live to see the day
The Pope gets high
I hope I'm old, I hope I'm old,
Before I die
Well tonight I'm gonna
Live for today
So come along for the ride
I hope I'm old before I die

Well these are strange days,
We're living in today
C'est la vie, I say, I say, I say

I hope I'm old (I hope I'm old)
Before I die
I hope I'll live to relive
The days gone by
I hope I'm old before I die
Well tonight I'm gonna
Live for today
So come along for the ride
I hope I'm old before I die
I hope I'm old
Before, old before I die
Old before, old before I die
Die, die, die
Old before, old before I die
Die, die, die

hahah feels so great not in boarding school! xD i know lots of people will miss me if i go in, so being the nice guy, i decided to opt out! argh layer one. oh well, i heard that most of them slept at 3 last night cause they played and gayed around. oh well, i kinda regretted. imagine ! chiajone, kangjie, zhiguang and yuguang ! -drools- hahah oh well.

my grandma had a fall earlier this evening, she just lost her balance and fell in her room. all of us got a shock, i dare not think of what would happened if we lost her, i don't want anymore bad things to happen, especially when there's already so much problems for me to handle. luckily, she landed on her butt and needed some help to lift her up. -heaves a sigh of relief-

i was thinking, what if one day you wake up and you found out that all your greatest fears came through? gosh, i dare not sink into my thoughts any further, it won't happen !

grr i was piaing homework last night again as usual. and i hate myself, i hate my bad habit. procrastination. i had all the time in the world to finish my homework during the easter holidays, but no! i played, i slacked, i went out. hahah oh well i'm thinking positive now ! at least i made full use of the time last night! i thought one DYING girl how to do her persuasive, gave a few ideas to a few others, finished my homework, did book reviews. yeah mann. oh and not to mention finished reading flowers for algernon! ~~besides the making love everyday with fay part,~~ i liked the story! it's so hard-warming yet saddening at the same time. and as i closed the book, i would like to ask. is it the best being ignorant to everything? i mean if you're more and more intelligent, you know more stuff, and naturally, you will get cocky and turn people off. isn't it good to just don't know everything and just lead your own life? free and easy? so what if people are laughing at your stupidity, at least they are your friends. ignorance is bliss. and people who know too much are dangerous, especially when they have big mouths somemore.

whahah. i'm just dying to get my hands on the crumpler bag ! complete seed ! wahh!! its a hefty 170 bucks but oh heck, june! please come soon! xD

okayy i think i better go back to work. left with mrp to pia. and some other stuff here and there. =x another late night bahh. slept in ss lesson today, hahah ! so fun, whole class sleeping during recess. i think we're all burnt out.

i feel stupid. as though i'm now the only one playing this game, it feels like i gave so much but received nothing. i know im being over-sensitive here, but i can't help but frown. and i won't want to get in your way. you're busy. we're all busy. oh well, this will all be over soon, and happiness will come in again! and it's always you. just being silly. =D

2005-03-27T15:57:00.000+08:00

Really Long Survey (over 200)
Created by starsbleed2nite and taken 76353 times on bzoink!
What is your name?	Leong Shi Wei
Are you named after anyone?	i doubt so. ask my parents ?
What's your screename?	shiwei. i know i not creative. fine. but others call me tongkat ali ? shishi? xiaowei. =x
Would you name a child of yours after you?	there's no other perfect name like mine
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?	si rui ! xP
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?	i like my name the way it is (x
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?	yes! shEwei !
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?	no ? i am famous with my present name xP
Basics
Your gender:	MALE
Straight/Gay/Bi:	STRAIGHT definitely!
Single?	uh huh.
If not, do you want to be?	-
Birthdate:	11 October 1990
Your age:	14 going on 15
Age you act:	14 (x
Age you wish you were:	21 ! no national service please !
Your height:	176cm and still growing !
Eye color:	black
Happy with it?	why not ?
Hair color:	black
Happy with it?	okay lar. im gonna dye when i grow up!
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous:	right.
Your living arrangement:	uh ? a one room flat in bedok. -sobs-
Your family:	my dad. my mum and my sis.
Have any pets?	yeahh. some fishes. i admit that i'm not responsible enough for dogs!
Whats your job?	student! must get good grades !
Piercings?	nope!
Tattoos?	those temporary ones
Obsessions?	you. and SPONGEBOB
Addictions?	you. and SPONG
Do you speak another language?	malay ! xD
Have a favorite quote?	ok lorr.
Do you have a webpage?	used to. a blog now.
Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?	im still floating.
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?	yeahh. although i blew up more often than before. i'm still a nice guy.
Do you have any secrets?	duh. who doesn't
Do you hate yourself?	yes. i hate myself for what i am now.
Do you like your handwriting?	its acceptable. but it can be improved
Do you have any bad habits?	yeahh.
What is the compliment you get from most people?	julian hee? =D nono. urmm u have good facial features! xP
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?	shiwei: the movie -.-
What's your biggest fear?	fear of losing her.
Can you sing?	YES. xD
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?	yeahh. of course.
Are you a loner?	depends on who i am. but im a team player! or rather the slacker.
What are your #1 priorities in life?	hmm. slc, studies, ep3, council, you.
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?	yeahh i guess so.
Are you a daredevil?	no. i'm ~~hum ji~~ careful
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?	i hate the way i speak or rather stutter.
Are you passive or agressive?	passive at most times. but i have limits ! >.<
Do you have a journal?	online.
What is your greatest strength and weakness?	emotions. my greatest strength and weakness
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?	THE WAY I SPEAK!
Do you think you are emotionally strong?	yes and no. i mean the two extremes whatt.
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?	i regret taking smrp.
Do you think life has been good so far?	yes! c'mon, i have all four limbs working and i am happy most importantly!
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?	don't hesitate.
What do you like the most about your body?	whahah. all fats?
And least?	all fats !
Do you think you are good looking?	hell no.
Are you confident?	yes, but it gets shaken real easily
What is the fictional character you are most like?	n/a
Are you perceived wrongly?	yes as a bloody backstabber! -grrr-
Do You...
Smoke?	nope!
Do drugs?	nope!
Read the newspaper?	yeahh.
Pray?	no.
Go to church?	once! yesterday !
Talk to strangers who IM you?	uhmm no. i obeserve internet safety ! xD
Sleep with stuffed animals?	no.
Take walks in the rain?	yeahh and then go home and get nagged at. next day down with cold.
Talk to people even though you hate them?	yeahh. i don't have a choice.
Drive?	no. but im okayy at driving games.
Like to drive fast?	yeahh! always crash out!
Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?	somebody said it sounded gay over the radio!
Hurt yourself?	no. not suicidal.
Been out of the country?	yeahh.
Eaten something that made other people sick?	no.
Been in love?	yeah.
Done drugs?	nope.
Gone skinny dipping?	nope.
Had a medical emergency?	nope. i was warded before though
Had surgery?	nope. but a cast yes. my broken collar bone
Ran away from home?	nope. guai hai zi xD
Played strip poker?	nope
Gotten beaten up?	yeahh. -stares at the neoprint-
Beaten someone up?	hahha yeahh and im sorry!
Been picked on?	of course! im always picked on! cause im too nice a guy.
Been on stage?	yeahh. for os address and sbc and aphelion night and investiture and little bits here and there.
Slept outdoors?	yeahh duhh.
Thought about suicide?	no.
Pulled an all nighter?	yeah. i didn sleep the day before my chinese eoy. in the end mental breakdown. b4 >_<
If yes, what is your record?	uh.
Gone one day without food?	no! i don't torture myself this way!
Talked on the phone all night?	nope.
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?	my mom when i was smaller i guess.
Slept all day?	no. im no pig.
Killed someone?	yes. in my dreams.
Made out with a stranger?	no ! not even with someone i know.
Had sex with a stranger?	hell no
Thought you're going crazy?	YES
Kissed the same sex?	no.
Done anything sexual with the same sex?	no.
Been betrayed?	YEAHH and im smart not to reveal anything nowadays.
Had a dream that came true?	yes.
Broken the law?	duhh. jaywalking xD
Met a famous person?	those mps u mean ?
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?	ants ?
On purpose?	yeah ants !
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?	yes. yes. and im still guilty
Stolen anything?	yes.
Been on radio/tv?	yes ! whahah. tongkat ali ad.
Been in a mosh-pit?	nope.
Had a nervous breakdown?	yes! ^scroll up!
Bungee jumped?	no.
Had a dream that kept coming back?	urhh nope.
Beliefs
Belive in life on other planets?	yeahh. martians and stuff. ET
Miracles?	yeah. when u believe !
Astrology?	uh huh! its a subject!
Magic?	no. so many people spoiling all the fun.
God?	urmm yahh. but still free-thinker. there must be a leader for everything.
Satan?	nope. southpark xD
Santa?	don't think so. it doesn't even snow!
Ghosts?	yes !! >.<
Luck?	yeahh!
Love at first sight?	maybe.
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?	im a daoist so yes. xD DAO-ist
Witches?	no. unless its a girl sceaming.
Easter bunny?	no.
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?	yeah and im gonna do that.
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?	duh no.
Do you wish on stars?	nope.
Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?	yes. it seems every ancient civilization has this. so why not?
Do you think God has a gender?	i thought males are always superior ? xP
Do you believe in organized religion?	yeahh.
Where do you think we go when we die?	heaven or hell.
Friends
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?	yes. -looks at sean-
Who is your best friend?	yuan chang i guess.
Who's the one person that knows most about you?	still yuan chang
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?	farrica.
Your favourite inside joke?	red boy. and im not laughing
Thing you're picked on most about?	chang ge lor. =x
Who's your longest known friend?	yi kai. believe it or not.
Newest?	the guy whom i shook hands with at church xD
Shyest?	woankeng, chiajone, yinghao
Funniest?	douglas, yuanchang (and COLD as well)
Sweetest?	got to be yinghao. he's also very sentimental.
Closest?	yuan chang. i tell him a lot, ok more than others.
Weirdest?	hmms.
Smartest?	hun sheng! zhi yi! but i think it has to be ming wei.
Ditziest?	ting feng?
Friends you miss being close to the most?	kangjie. sean. chiajone. woankeng. yuanchang. douglas. zhiguang
Last person you talked to online?	xinying, fanny and songping.
Who do you talk to most online?	i dunno. changes all the time.
Who are you on the phone with most?	the section i/cs
Who do you trust most?	myself.
Who listens to your problems?	myself again.
Who do you fight most with?	lol xuan yi i guess.
Who's the nicest?	myself xD
Who's the most outgoing?	sean !
Who's the best singer?	yuanchang, maybe cause the rest don't sing.
Who's on your shit-list?	shit.
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?	no! im still innocent and dan chun!
Who's your second family?	...
Do you always feel understood?	no. its a good thing too.. i think
Who's the loudest friend?	yu guang.
Do you trust others easily?	yes. but im smarter now.
Who's house were you last at?	mine.
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in:	hurhur yuanchang. andd i know my shoulder's the best.
Do your friends know you?	layer 1. yes.
Friend that lives farthest away:
Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?	no. its a blessing to love and be loved.
What do you find romantic?	u cant define romantic, otherwise it won't be romantic
Turn-on?	height.
Turn-off?	armpit hair xDD
First kiss?	parents i guess
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?	hmm dating wouldn be a good word. ill get more people i suppose.
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going	half-half
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out	urmm i guess.
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv	yeahh.
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?	hell no.
What is best about the opposite sex?	elegance.
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?	bimbotic. xP
What's the last present someone gave you?	ermm the cards from stnicks.
Are you in love?	yes. deeply.
Do you consider your significant other hot?	uh huh
Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?	the ghost from eye 10.
You wanted to kill?	red boy.
That you laughed at?	her
That laughed at you?	her
That turned you on?	im off.
You went shopping with?	her
That broke your heart?	hmm.
To disappoint you?	yuan chang cause his appointment didn turn out right.
To ask you out?	urmm clarence for church
To make you cry?	ruoen and songping
To brighten up your day?	her
That you thought about?	her
You saw a movie with?	her again.
You talked to on the phone?	i called xianghui but she off her mobile. so guess its zhiyi.
You talked to through IM/ICQ?	songping
You saw?	my dad, he's telling me that we're going out for dinner.
You lost?	-
Right This Moment...
Are you going out?	for dinner later
Will it be with your significant other?	no.
Or some random person?	MY FAMILY LARH.
What are you wearing right now?	2d class tee. board shorts
Body part you're touching right now:	my lips. the bruise lar.
What are you worried about right now?	homework i guess
What book are you reading?	flowers for algernon
What's on your mousepad?	no mousepad.using touchpad
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling:	must-finish-all-my-homework
Are you bored?	yes.
Are you tired?	yes.
Are you talking to anyone online?	yeahh. hurhur.
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?	nope.
Are you lonely or content?	contented but lonely.
Are you listening to music?	yeahh. ryan cabrera's true
Create a Survey \| Search Surveys \| Go to bzoink!

hahah okayy homework!
wake xianghuui up somebody!!

2005-03-26T23:53:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | over the moon ]
[ Current Music | Ronan Keating - Lovin' Each Day ]

Avril Lavigne - Spongebob Squarepants Theme Song

Are you ready kids
Aye aye captain
I can't hear you
Aye aye captain
Ohhhh Who lives in a pinapple under the sea?
SpongeBob SquarePants!
Absorbent and yellow and porus is he!
SpongeBob SquarePants!
If notical nonsense be something you wish
SpongeBob SquarePants!
Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!
SpongeBob SquarePants!
SpongeBob SquarePants!
SpongeBob SquarePants!
SpongeBob SquarePants!
Sponge-Bob Square-Pants!

wahhh! addicted to spongebob liao ! gotta have my hands on the t-shirt we saw at plaza sing!ahh. a little bit of comedy. a little bit of animation. plus lots and lots of LAME jokes and you get a terrific movie !
woke up at 6 today and went to the jap association for some function in council u. was pretty boring but all in all i learnt quite a lot. time to time, as i turned around, people will be sleeping! heh. and i was guilty of dozing off too ! the buffet lunch was nice ! really authentic !
then i went kap to finish off my homework. in the end, i did nothingg. GRR and we were late for easter service. lift door opened and we saw one ktv! shockedd at the uluness ! oh well, at least we missed the concert part! it was like a disco larr ! so high, hhaha then the skit! not badd, i like hk student! im studying hard AR. xD then it was the sermons and stuff. it was really an eye-opener for us, but i guess free-thinking is still the best!
then we went plaza sing to get tickets. but eye 10 is FULL HOUSE. arghh so we settled on spongebob and we didn regret! xD
okayy homework time !!

(: 26th march 2005 - don't forget this date.

you made me my heart skip a beat or two just now;

2005-03-25T22:32:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | zibei ]
[ Current Music | Cyndi Wang - Honey ]

okayy while i was happily blog-jumping yesterday. someone started a conversation with me and started to ask thought-provoking questions, i told her i would answer them here. so yarh. (:

1) do you have a meaning in life?
well. i admit that i'm not far-sighted, i don't think far. just like when i decided to take smrp, and i'm really regretting it now. humanities programme.. argh. ok that's besides the point. frankly speaking, i don't knoww what i am going to be when i grow up, i guess i'm the sort of takes things as they come ? oh well. i guess that's what that makes me people insecure. but i'll find my interest! soon.
well i guess for the whole of last term and this week, i have been floating. seriously floating, every day, i'll just reach school at 6.45, sit and stare into space, then go around copying homework. then i'll just drag through lessons, then dismissal, i'll just go home and this cycle carries on and on friday i go for ncc. my commitments are all in a mess right now, and i don't know what to do with them. yida asked me last night, "so what are u going to do with your life?" and i just paused there. hah. i'll go think about it. the only thing thats driving me along is her, that's all i have to say.

2)are you trustable?
well. i hate this type of questions larr, especially when its on yourself. okayy, first things first, i'm human, i make mistakes, i'm not perfect. and i cannot guarantee 100% for everything.
and through the years, i've gained some people's trust with much ease, but the more memorable ones are those that i have to work inch for inch for it. and on many occasions, because of a silly mistake, i lost the trust and it just goes back to square one. and i remember myself crying because of that one person. i know how difficult it is. hmm so am i trustable?
trust it or not lo.

pissed off now. DON'T LET ME GO, AND I DON'T SEE THE REASON WHY. is being emotional wrong? is using emotions to deal problems wrong? look, emotions do not cloud my vision, i'm perfectly fine. don'tt like it? well that's the way i am! orientation was organized by my emotions, my passion towards the event, the ot's hard work and co-operation. aren't these emotions? its so ironic, isn't feeling passionate for something a passion ? oh well. don't go don't go lor. I DON'T GO THERE TO BUAYA anyway. whatever las.

to farrica: don't be angry please ?

2005-03-24T22:20:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | =/ ]
[ Current Music | Jay Chou - Qing Tian ]

Which Incredibles Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

hahah mr incredible. there's no jack jack !! whaaa. but i don't quite like the description. it seems so arrogant. =x
hahah okayy am really glad that quite a number of people appoached me to tell me to cheer up and said we're both on the same boat. hahah i hope after this entry, don't find me serious or whatsoever, cause i'm still the shiwei you've known since the day u knew me! -.- well i'm sure everybody has their inner selfs, their true feelings and of course they hide them, but well i didn mean mine in that sense, of course you cannot tell every single thing on earth that u feel to a friend ! but i don't mean it that way, argh it's so hard to explain. well hope u get what i mean.

school was draggy and sleepy as usual. the only lesson that perked me up was mr lam's, i think he seriously rocks lar. so dan chun and cute! (: -drools- he's really animated and i think he's the best physics teacher ever! the later part of the afternoon was uber sian. comprehension and a zuo wen. i dozed off while doing the comprehension halfway! gahh!

okayy back to reflections.
[to be continued. okayy anti-climax i knoww. im preparing to write a loong essay xD]

2005-03-23T00:03:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | f.cked up ]
[ Current Music | Avril Lavigne - My Happy Ending ]

so many problems, but nobody to turn to. i've reached the limit, i'm about to break down. and i was talking to some people about accomplishment in life. if you think about it, how many people out there can proudly say that he or she has accomplished what he wanted and aimed for and even if god takes away his life, he would die without regrets? it would be one out of a hundred ? hahah. okayy back to the point.
i said earlier it was pathetic having nobody to confide in when i have problems, and i'll just tell everyone what went wrong. the problem lies with me okayy, i refuse to just let some trust go and share with other people what went wrong, and end up bottling up everything. so yuanchang convinced me to change, and i knew i had to, because i know alot of people who cared about me and wanted to know more got turned off because i just simply refuse to share anything, and in the end they were the ones who told me all their problems, their sorrows. so i changed my nickname to "who would remove the mask i had worn all along" and i waited. hahah two people responded and i was relieved. especially you. well so i came up with a conclusion, there are three layers of shiwei.
the first layer, also known as the outer-most layer, is where i believe most people see, where u see a boy who seems to be happy everyday, coming to school for lessons, rushing down to the canteen during recess, gaying around with the gang, and for some of you, an egoistic pig xD that keeps saying that hes shuai or whatsoever, and keeps niaoing you, yah yah and the pink pigg. this is the most superficial layer, where his true feelings about things are hidden from all. when faced with problems, he appears still to be smiling although his heart within is breaking.
the second layer, is where he starts to show and reveal what he feels. once you get into this layer, you will find him talking to you at every available opportunity. you find that the shiwei you knew back then is totally different from the present shiwei. you will find that his life isn't that perfect as you thought that it was, and you will then find yourself helping to solve his problems instead. he will tell you almost everything that happened to him on earth, from his studies, to the love of his life.
and the third layer, the inner-most layer. if you reach this layer, you can almost guess how shiwei will react or do when faced with a certain situation and soon you will be able to even give him advice, and influence each other. here you will even find out his darkest secrets, the first crush of his life, whether he cheated during the exams etc.

hahah. i promise i will open up!
looking forward to this friday/saturday! cause its with you where i belong.

2005-03-21T22:06:00.000+08:00

term 2 was kickstarted with founders' day which coincidentally coincides -.- with the first day of school, so there were no lessons ! yayy. hahah okayy during the wee hours, was niaoing the peeps about their holiday homework, everyone was rushing through them (: hahah so fun plus doing a STUPID online treasure hunt which i completed okayy! arghh though i waited for NOTHING, but it was still memorable, which other guy would do this lah. xP
woke up at 7, felt really happy and immediately tried to make songping and xianghui CRY by describing the times when we were at stnicks. the all-so-familiar terraces, flag raising ceremony, the act-deep voice of the commander, the school song and the morning prayers. blehh okayy shall not talk about it. hahah i also niaoed farrica and co. during lessons !
so blehh founders day finally ended, went to settle the srmp and projects dayy. finally another problem solved! so went off happily for self-training. 25 pull ups, ermm 40 diamond, 10 one-hand then we went to the track to run. then came chia jone who was -bleagh- thrashing us larr. but our emphasis was on part spirit, so we cheered and we sang along the way. partC. (:
okayy shan't talk too much. dead beat. haiz to lessons tommorrow..

2005-03-20T09:29:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | peaceful? ]
[ Current Music | Maroon 5 - Sunday Morning ]

ah. sunday morning.
really have nothing to do. the movie's cancelled. of course im feeling a little sad, but heck, it's not as if after today, there's no more chance or whatever. everybody has their own problems, and it's best to solve them first before any progression takes place. it won't do any good. ahh problems, conflicts, i bottle them all. who could be my listening ear? nobody, just nobody at all. it's such a pity, its so pathetic, or maybe it's just me wondering too much, not trusting anybody. i was cheated once, once i told my friend all i knew, all i felt, and the next day the whole world found out. but i couldn do anything, i couldn blame him, i could only blame myself for being naive and foolish. now i stand here again in this situation, with nobody to turn to, ahh i guess it's best to bottle up everything.

yesterday was the day where everything went wrong. cnc test, i got off to a good start, with that little bit of pep talk, ".. give me good drill, show me good standard, and i assure you everything will be over soon. CLEAR?" then i screwed everything up. the comments were there, but the control was crap, and not to mention sizing command. always went too fast at the "nombor ganjil satu langkah kahadapan, nombor genap satu langkah kebelangkan? " part. the cadets were in a row, and everyone was laughing. at me. even sir joshua too. ahh i suck. but im glad it's all over, we all passed.

later came the punishments. 120 pushups, but 80 completed. and its like every frustration the ncos had was vent on us. from attendance, to attiude, to mdm.chao and ME. ME ME ME. i thought they wouldn bring that issue up again. i knew where i went wrong, wrong place of priorities again. st.nicks over training is WRONG. okay i accept that, and i will change, and i have CHANGED. but lujie still brought it up anyway, and boom i was angry as well. after training ended, i had a debrief with part C. overwhelmed with emotions, ok anger, so i wasn in the right state of mind. all i needed was a spark that would trigger the explosives in my head, and there it was, yiyuan's comment, then i BLASTED him, then xuanyi's comment, i PUNCHED him. huijie held me back, i felt like a wild beast, in front of everyone, i was humiliated. my composure was lost, my respect was lost. all there i stand, the guy they called the ic, fallen in front of everyone.

but do not look back, for i won't. cause the next term is all that matters. give it your best and you will succeed, begin to slacken and there's your downfall. partC 2005 team, we can do it.

and here i am typing this entry, my blog, the one of few avenues to vent my angers, my sorrow, my thoughts. so pardon if i type anything that is sensitive or critical to anybody or anything, cause you know i cannot do it verbally. i'm such a coward, i'm such a sore. is this how i man should be like? to express his true self on the net, but in real life, wear this mask that hides all. i wonder

2005-03-18T18:51:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | DEAD BEAT (isn't a mood?) ]
[ Current Music | Maroon 5 - Through With You ]

TIRED.
slept for like 3 hours today ! the girls are surely nocturnal can !
O_O panda eyes and a SORE THROAT.
i think i used the wrong part for my commands in yesterday's training. and like all other times, i screwed my cnc. sizing drill was given in a hurry, little comments. arghh i think i'll fail the actual test on saturday. >_<

anyway today met up with programmes committee and went for liaisons with the companies, all wemt smoothly ! and im proud to say prog comm has full attendance and we're working fine! under the superb leadership of the programmes i/c which is yours truly! whahah. of course. im better than seng ! (: hope he doesn read this. 11th slc shall not fall.

woots. ended up in orchard after the meetings. so we went wheelocks to look at the crumpler bags! <3 <3 i want i want! so im gna get it, before ermm june! will start saving now! $149. woots- then we went to the apple shop, my heart so gek! the ipod accessories all so cool and sleek, really having second thoughts of getting a zen micro. SOMEMORE THE PRICE DROPPED LIKE SHIT. even the 6gb's cheaper than what i bought mine for. so much for creative. REGRETS.

ahh so fast. holidays coming to an end. get ready for a roller-coaster ride in term 2.

OH YAHH. watch you're the one tonight! LAST EPISODE

2005-03-18T02:19:00.000+08:00

its the end. is it?

whahah. had stnicks-hci gathering at cine, we watched HITCH.
not badd the showw. especially the 90% and 10% parts! woots- gonna try all that tips and tricks. (: ahh i was the latest to arrive and made the whole grp wait outself the theatre. sorry ! i was stuck at bugis, because of the PINK SHIRT. was plain rushing, after training, was rushing home. brrr. YOU TWO. CAUSED ME TO SKIP TWO MEALS. stupid. so i changed at somerset mrt, there i was in pink. -embarrassed.
and the sad point of HITCH wasn't sad enough ! at least not enough for the two beside me to cry. i was like "ehh. cry lehh!" and i didn kick you on purpose lo. hah. luckily, we didn take neoprints ! (x

then we decided to go esplanade. then the truth started unfolding itself, if you sensed anything, i was getting anti-social. and my face went red and qian bian, and started to scold and curse. arghh only a few know why. i feel sad and sorry, at the same time, enlightened and relieved i didn fall into the trap.
oh well, we wandered around marina square, figuring how to get to the other side to the food loft, in the end we came to burger king and long john so we got takeaways and went to esplanade to eat. so much for qing diao, hurhur. so gradually, the big group went under the bridge to play truth or dare. leaving woankeng, chiajone, yuanchang, xianghui, ruoen, songping, yinghao and me sitting there. and we chatted, then we sang, and we took photos ! it was really sentimental and emotional lahh, basically. yeah and im glad xianghui came down although she's not supposed to!

then we figured we were being anti-social so we went over to form the bigger circle. but it wasn't long till we had to leave, oh well, i didn't want to be there too, i couldn't be myself. so chiajone, woankeng, yinghao, yuanchang, xianghui, ruoen, songping and i left. the girls took the mrt and we took the bus, so we said our final goodbyes and left. hahah on the bus, yuan chang and i sure enlightened woankeng and yinghao. woots- yuan chang we rock. and i sure known you better and i think it rocks more when you're now moving to a place so close to me now. geee i feel gay. anyway phone inbox got spammed by ruoen and songping and i think they cried after all! yay ! primary objective achieved ! but i didn see it! >_<

yesyes. we WILL meet again. it's definitely not the end. yuguang said he will organize a bbq in june right? yeahh ! hahahh and next color is ORANGE. yayy. no red and black ! no pink !

okayy. friendships forged and BROKEN.

2005-03-16T22:13:00.000+08:00

I NEED A PINK SHIRT. PLEASE HELP

whahah. tmr's the outing le and suddenly i hate my idea of standardizing the color of the shirts the gang's gonna wear. cause its PINK. so explains ^ well hmm lets be a good sport, tmr after training, ill pia home and go get the shirt! but the thing is $$.. arghh 5 movies this week can. die lo die lo. and the two of them DID help alot hah, putting it all over their nicknames. im gna get LAUGHED at tmr, where can i bury my head in when school reopens ! arghh.
but a promise is a promise, won't back out. since its the last time le xD

ok this italics part is for you ! (: don't think too much larr, though i know sometimes its real hard not to do so, but pleased be reassured, the things i wrote on the card are still valid till today, and it will be forever.

2005-03-16T01:41:00.000+08:00

so in love with emily browning (x. btw she plays violet baudelaire in series of unfortuante events !

whahah. okayy we had our 3a class gathering ! WOOSH. we went cine for a movie, attendance was great ! 23 people, and douglas really did a great job as a chairman this time round to co-ordinate. unfortunate was cool ! but it was really dark and sinister. -shivers HAHAH and yuan chang and chiajone leapt out of their seats when the red viper suddenly appeared, not to mention yuan chang grabbing my hand and covering his eyes ! i suddenly feel very brave, don't i. and high 5 to chiajone who also agreed violet was chio, my heart broke when she signed the marriage agreement with that count olaf freek ! hmms. then after the movie, we went round in circles trying to find a place that has good but cheap food. and we ended up in marche, not the best of choice but oh well for the class ! everyone were like stupid idiots, cause most of us first time, and we really uhmm throwed our faces on the floor. then time for bye bye, douglas with his stupid reasons for rejecting to send yuanchang, woankeng and i home.. so we were lost and stuck at orchard. so we agreed to take a cab back to hwachong then take 171. smart us.

to woankeng: the moment i set my eyes on you, i knew you were mine. wahah. cute and innocent, we were synchronising the colours of our attire, he said he'd be wearing a dark blue top, dark green shorts plus white .. erhm. so well i didn have a dark blue top that was presentable so i settled on dark green instead. (x sean was being uber gay too ! and kangjie was black-red ! woots.

i hope after this class gathering, 3a will rise up to the occasion. best class in aphelion sec 3s. and clock tower here we come. believe in -coughs- douglas, believe in 3a.

okayy replying to tagboard from friendfromncc, which i think its zhiyi. yes i knoww. one more term left and i am still floating around life, with no directions, no aim. what kind of a leader am i. don't worry, i did a little soul-searching, well i guess i cannot push the blame to anyone, all i can say is just a little screw-up in prioritizing at the beginning of the year. but i'm glad i don't have so many commitments as compared to last year, so i'm able to focus and give more to ncc, oh so much said, but nothing done. your i/c has woken up, trust me, let this last chapter of partC be the best ever. give me your support and i'm sure we can pull this through together.

and yes for slc too. i cant believe im being compared to seng che hao xD oh well, i won't like go argue, cause in the end i will still win. but is there pride and glory in winning seng xP ? i guess not, but to my committee, good job so far, keep up the enthusiasm, especially from rgs and rv ! kristin, choonyen and jinliang. and for hci side, lets continue to deliver what we're expected to, NO, deliver more, stretch our capabilities, and make 11slc the best ever before we step down. and no, no more feeling emotional and stuff, im back. -determined face.

ahhh! ok LOH i ran back home and all i got was a "oh." win liao larhh, let the 3 of us cry together on thursday while watching a comedy, heheh,

and then that will be the end.

2005-03-14T22:01:00.000+08:00

hmm. i haven't touched my school uniform for a week, feels kinda weird actually wearing it. anyway i went back to school with yinghao, zhiguang etc. to get our term-progress report card. hahah, i was like so dao, met yinghao on the bus, said hi and boom i closed my eyes and slept all the way. can't blame me. all of them are like nocturnal can ! it's like so frustrating to see them all so energetic at 2am when you yourself are like having bloodshot eyes and can't wait to say gtg good night. and its worse when you're bored in the morning or afternoon and NONE are online. it's so strange ! hahah i feel loved ! wei xD
humans. from strangers to good friends, i feel that the link here is relationship. so many people walk in and out of our lives, day in day out, yet we don't feel anything. but some of them come in and establish relationships with you, that's why when they walk out, you will feel that tinge of misery. it's really funny. all good things have to come to an end, i think this is really a joke lar. oh well, like xslc, we all have to get over it and continue with our lives. hah and i think i can't even make it on thurs. so i think i may never get to see you guys again. eventually i'll forget how you guys look like, and the relationship bond gets weaker and we'll feel nothing. relationships, so sweet yet so painful.
oh well, don't be sad cause it ended, be happy cause it happened (:

had concept research todayy. not bad larr. come on 11th slc ot, we will prove to the seniors ! x) and success for tomorrow's class gathering. alright !
i threw the chocolates awayy. forget about what i feel, it doesn't matter

2005-03-13T23:12:00.000+08:00

woots the weekends passed so fast nowadays and its the march holidays, one-quarter of the term has passed. but i don't like the holidays, i personally don't mind if i spend another one week in st.nicks, or two weeks, or forever, except the part that i have to go for a gender change. ah after two days after the end, ive collated a list of factors that gauge whether ure having withdrawal symptoms of the exchange programme.

1. waking up in the morning and wondering why you aren't in ang mo kio, dressed in council u. [especially on saturday morning, i woke up at 9am, and felt really strange, almost went to take out the council u from my wardrobe before being stopped by my mum]

2. the st.nicks school song is like looping in your head and you can't seem to shake it off you. [blehh even if i blast some hard metal song, it won't go away]

3. looking at the pictures and gifts almost every now and then. [come on, not that there are shuai ges or chio bus in the photos, or gold.]

4. ordering teh tarik when you are having your meals outside [hehh, the uncle's teh tarik's still the best]

5. lastly, u can't concentrate in whatever you do and relate almost everything to st.nicks! [grr, malu, don't want to talk about it]

well i'm sure there're more, share it with us (: and bon voyage xianghui. -crosses finger with you

i won't create anymore trouble, i just need time to erase everything.

2005-03-12T02:09:00.000+08:00

group. =x

2005-03-12T02:08:00.000+08:00

3a buddies and girls.

2005-03-12T01:36:00.000+08:00

the end. it has ended. oh well.
for

2005-03-11T00:32:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | nostalgic ]
[ Current Music | Ryan Cabrera - True ]

arghh. hands are tired. right leg still aching. stupid laa, still writing those cards. i missed 2 episodes of you're the one because of shopping for presents! well, i hope it's worth it man. yuguang, zhi guang, chia jone and i went to orchard after the smops meeting to get the presents, and just now, yu guang and i went causeway point to get the remaining presents.. really burnt a hole. especially's ruo'ens ahh! =x

time really flies man. fourth day over since the 12 of us came over to st.nics for part 2 of the exchange programme. i still remember the whole gang wanted to boycott this programme, and all 12 of us are hoping time will pass real slowly throughout the next 2 days. so allow me to bring you back to where it all began..

first day was pretty slack. OH i was late and desperate and took a cab to sngs! grrr i was like to the wrong direction, i ended up in jurong east instead ! i took the train back, and by the time i was at woodlands, it was 6.55! so i alighted and desperately took a cab. not finished! the taxi driver drove me to cat high instead! and he turned and looked at me "ni bu shi nan de?" i was like "wth u wanna ask so much? just send me to stnicks!" and ran to terraces on time !

we ponned lessons all the way till after recess. school tour was pretty lame in the end. we were brought round the school [duh], and i feel really confused with all those stairs and really strange pathways! and we got freaked out by the gym. it's like the gym in every school has their ghost story, but the gym at st.nicks really freakedd me out. it was like the odd one out among the school color. suddenly your whole vision darkens, as if u the sun is being blockedd by the clouds, then u see a wall full of mirrors! then on your right is some catholic painting that reminds me of davinci code and to your left is the gym entrance. and yahh! st.nicks have so many mirrors around lar! and its like going to be so scary at night, suddenly u see your own reflection at every corner u turn. -hairs stand.

and then it was fund raising! the classes were sellin cotton candy, ice cocktail etc. which i think should be encouraged in hwachong too. arghh so the faith people were competing with the diligence people, so we tried to draw crowds and stuff with all those cheers and dance. blehh. ahh im gna skip. lessons were rather okayy. the chi teacher, we realize, was a complete duplicate of joseph sim, except that one is hao se, the other is shuai ge. brr. and the bio teacher freaks me out ! ms leong somemore, was really a comedian. after her lesson, she asked, "okayy class now it is the qna session, any question?" then almost immediately,"okay no questions,i got some questions to ask u." was like o.O after school, we played soccer and basketball with the girls. blehh and i injured again laa, but i do not need the st.john's help !

okayy second day, was plain old boring lessons. and we could memorize the time-table already ! we're all enthusiastic students! flag-raising was really cool, especially the slang of the commands, really turns me on ! =x and yuan chang was really getting famous in chinese lesson. teacher asks = yuan chang answers. there wasn't afternoon activity cause we had to rush back for mr hon's meeting about HATs that lasted shorter than the journey back.

third day, really nothing muchh. except for a morning jog which was claimed to be no sweat. =P then lessons. afternoon was stupid smops meeting with ms.siew, grrr. then we went orchard to get presents for the girls.. and i did the most diu lian-ing thing in my entire life, neoprints. and NO i'm not going to let anyone see ! 4 da nan ren in council u. freaks me out.

finally today. whoa! what is xiao shun? how to write xiao. lao zi de tou, jia yi ge heng, jia yi ge zi. then what must appreciate the da huan jing, must learn to talk to the kong ques ! no wonder they've all turned gay. maths was uber cheem, logarithms which i haven learnt, and throughout the lesson, i was copying farrica's and huiqing's answers! then i received a sms telling me that ms.seng wants to cancel slc, my whole heart sank. there was a talk by jack neo on how to be gao xiao, but i wasn't laughing at the jokes he cracked, my heart was aching. i really much wanted to cry laa, then i thought about xslc and stuff, and yupp later i told myself that i shud be a good guest and just have fun this week. BUT IN THE ENd IT WAS NOT CANCELLED, SOMEBODY KICKED UP A BIG FUSS.

and yahh afternoon was soccer with the teachers! i scored one from a volley, pwns. then the disaster came, one by one, our people got injured, chia jone got a big wound, zhiguang got kicked on the head, and i got elbowed and my ankle again!! =x notice the trend? chiajone, zhiguang, shiwei.. 3/4 who took the.. and ruo'en so luo suo can. lemme play lar! okayy not going to say what happened after i went back on, so embarrassing. then me and yuguang went causeway pt to get the remaining presents.

so this two weeks passed real fast, and it was reallly tiring, waking up earlier than usual, cause transport wasn't convenient, and going home late because of activites. but i know nobody's regretting, cause it's all worth it, let's hope for a nice last day!

2005-03-05T22:58:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | high? ]
[ Current Music | Taufik Batisah - I Dream ]

hurhur watching troy. stanley lent it to me. woots brad pitt's ~~butt~~ character can really fight well! well today was pretty sian for me, after the stint at aphelion night, 2 days with only 1.5 hours of sleep, i slept a record 10 hours yesterday night. from 12mn to 10pm, then i went to stanley's house for mrp. finished proposal and halfway through lit review. gonna ace it! =D hahah then i went lot 1 to look around and get presents for the st.nicks... which brings me to my main topic of this post! xD

woots. -some politically correct stuff here. for the whole of this week, the aphelion consortium was honoured to have 19 girls from st.nicholas girls school with us on an exchange programme. *claps and wolf's whistles from school cohort. okayy crap. this week was really a week that i must say my batch look forward to. there was even a briefing on how to sit properly, and be a gentleman. this goes to show the importance and emphasis on this activity, but on the other hand it also shows that our boys have to act and are not at all gentlemanly when there are no visitors. of course not all of them are like that -points to myself, and i choose to believe in the former. oh well.

okayy i was a buddy and together with weeliang, we were attached to a girl named andrea. in order to give chances to weeliang =D, i swopped seats with him just in time before school =P hahah at the beginning, i really thought that this exchange programme will lead to nothing. it's just a hello-byebye thing where there's no ermm friendship attached? because on monday, we hardly ever talked to andrea, it was like she was stoning throughout the day, and i saw that it was the same for the other 4 girls that were attached to 3a. ahh but after it ended yesterday, i was sadly, proved wrong. really, there was a huge impact these 19 girls made, or at least for my class, so many changes, the class was so much quieter, no more ~~gaying~~ fighting cases and all of a sudden, douglas was so refined =D

brr and who could forget the dance and song peformance during aphelion night. and hurr, we won't lose to them next week when we go over! and the afternoon activities we had, the ice-breakers, the follow-the-leader -___- game and the truth or dare wahahha. after a week, finally it's gone. no more opening-the-door, taking-the-chair-out, letting-you-go-first and of course, saying-no-to-lunch! but although you guys took a loooong time to wash up and come down for breakfast, scream and shout for countless times just on the way to the toilet, you made our day i must say.

aphelion night rocks. sean and douglas really did a good job with the emcee. sean was quick in the response while douglas was used nicely as a contrast =P then council item! =D tong kuai! it was really cool, the whole council rehearsing the day before at concourse, really reminds me of sust'04 rehearsing the entrance and the skit. oh well, none of that, i'm from aphelion. -sarcastic. overall it went real well, especially for the food! good co-ordination! and really no-hassle during supper! -pats on the back. after the 12.30am debrief, a group of us were outside kkh talkingc and gossiping larr, all the way till 3.30am. woots. and some of our eyes were blood-shot. poor kang. get well soon kayY! kayaking for eota! capsized 3 times though. sean, u and i make good partners! left right left right! then it was time for farewell.

the atmosphere at aphelion room was hmm.. saddening i must say. flashing of the cameras everywhere, exchanging of presents and contacts too. wahahah and i read jasmine's blog. thanks =D i know that too. then comes the bad part, i ponned training and went kap with nic and the bsp people. haiz. oh well, whats done is done. i might as well just give up my hopes and aspirations for ncc. the mistakes i make is just to prominent and i know no matter how i improve, it doesn't make a difference so i'll just give it all up. sorry that i have this selfish attitude but i can't help it.

okayy i just that's about all. yeahh quite chio quite chio =P those interested can probe further =D joking.

2005-02-27T21:38:00.000+08:00

im feeling terrible now. i'm like shivering but i feel all so hot inside. all because of the tentanus jab i had yesterday. this morning i got up feeling all so weak, headache, and a fever, and my arm got more sore, no strength to even close the car door, pathetic.. hahah, but i got praised two times ! yesterday during the injection, the doctor said i was muscular =D, then today at the centre, the volunteer said i was strong. win liao, ok better not be too ego if not the pain will not subside xD
anyway today went to the cip at boon lay. to set a stall at a funfair for the whispering hearts organization, it was meaningful and we made $160+ from the counterstrike and some ^erhm sacrifices. and i would think that its worth it staying up till 2.30 to do the signages, plan the stuff. you rock partC.
blehh, taken panadol. going to sleep. tomorrow will be a good dayy! chiobu.chiobu.chiobu!

Robbie Williams - Strong

My breath smells of a thousand fags
And when I'm drunk I dance like me dad
I've started to dress a bit like him
Early morning when I wake up
I look like Kiss but without the make up
And thats a good line to take it to The bridge

And you know and you know
'Cos my life's a mess
And I'm trying to grow so before
I'm old I'll confess
You think that I'm strong you're wrong
You're wrong
I'll sing my song my song my song

My bed's full of takeaways and fantasies of easy lays
The pause button's broke on my video
And is this real 'cos I feel fake, Oprah Winfrey, Ricky Lake
Teach me things I don't need to know

And you know and you know
'Cos my life's a mess
And it starting to show so before
I'm old I'll confess
You think that I'm strong you're wrong
You're wrong
I'll sing my song my song my song

If I did it all again I'd be a nun
The rain was never cold when I was young
I'm still young we're still young (step inside the sun)
Life's too short to be afraid
Step inside the sun

And you know and you know
'Cos my life's a mess
And I'm trying to grow
hey hey !

You think that I'm strong you're wrong
You're wrong
I'll sing my song my song my song

Life's too short to be afraid
So take a pill to numb the pain
You don't have to take the blame

2005-02-26T23:39:00.000+08:00

blehh. still doing the signboard for tomorrow's open house. and i feel demoralized once again. my eyes are seriously going double vision, and it really isn't a nice feeling. especially when your right arm is frigging sore after a tentanus jab, and you have to bloody hell draw and colour a vanguard sheet. and even typing's a problem, so i'm gonna take like twice the time to complete this entry. heck. i'll still update anyway.
in the morning we had aphelion night meeting. and i officially declare that food committee has completed their job of providing the supper and breakfast! good job xD ! okayy that was stupid, i'm really looking forward to thursday, except council induction. i dunno whether i can swallow this pride i've let out for so long, but never mind, quotes yuan jun, tun le bahh. so what if i'm only a normal councillor. ok that's so zi wo an wei.
as im drawing the signboard, i asked myself whether it was worth it. piaing so hard for the part, when all the rest are like sleeping. do u know how much time and effort is put in into planning this? me and jared, hewlett etc. all had to meng think of ideas, come out with proposals, while the rest can just report to the venue and do what they're asked to do. is it worth it?
and some of you guys still complain that you aren't given leadership opportunities? you guys blame it on us? say that we are hypocrites? say that we suck up to the higher authorities? ok fine, then why don't u volunteer to do? come on larr. say people cocky somemore. childish.
you see i don't mind having late nights, it's perfectly fine. but what's frustrating is that at the end of the day, people don't appreciate what you've done yet shoot you down at the first mistake u made, "i din know the implications!", fine i know i was wrong, i didn't inform the part, it was all my fault, but its so stupid that the trust was gone. the trust i painstakingly build up with my two hands, you think it was so easy? and after that you keep picking one me. you asked me why teachers complain, is it my problem that the cadets don't tell their teachers? i done what i did, i have a clear conscience, should i be even scared of you?
and what i need now is just someone to call, sms or im me, especially the platoonmates, and ask me whether i need help, or just pat me on the back. encouragement is all i need. i don't ask for much. but what do i get? nothing! just the increasing pain of my fcking sore arm. 40 minutes gone and i'm still here.
but thanks, i consulted ernest and im glad i made the right choice and found the right person. i'm once again motivated, the pain is numbed, the cracks are glued together, and i'm right here piaing through the night. woo. life's a bed of roses.

and i won't fail. i'll do this for ncc, or at least for ernest. and of course for you

2005-02-25T22:31:00.000+08:00

had a tiring and teary day.
x-country! pretty strange why the school put it at the beginning of the year, and on a hot afternoon somemore. so stupid, haven't started running, the whole pe tshirt was drenched. as usual, i represented my class xD yeahh 3a. woo, all 6 of us wanted to take revenge last year, after our stint at macritchie, missing the top class award by two positions, we wanted to win the award so badly. and i kinda like the spirit. yeahh. so my number tag was 304, and we did warm-ups, stretchings and stuff.
the horn went, and everyone practically chionged, since it was b'div there was a clear disadvantage. but seriously, my batch thrashed the sec 4s. slowly we approached the KILLER HILL, which was no more than a maximum parabola whose ax^2 was big. SPEAKING OF PARABOLAS, THE WHOLE CLASS SCREWED THE QUAD TEST TODAY. ARGH. ok anyway, the gap soon widened, i tried to catch up with chiajone but in the end he just kept running faster so i decided to stay with the ncc gang, and motivate one another with the "endure!" and stuff.
turf city would be a better running platform for mass runs, except for the fact that it was super demoralizing. the twists and turns seemed never-ending, and the sun made it worse, and kaiming was so unlucky, started the race 4 mins late cause he went toilet. -pats. in the end, i got 40th position, not bad larr, 2nd in class, chiajone was crazy he got 21st. so we added all our positions and realized we stood a chance to win! wow everybody's spirits so high, did a oosh. eat my dust.
however as usual, what's left was disappointment. 3a had a score of 168, well the 4th class had a score of 122. so i think we got 6th AGAIN. stupid. NEVER MIND. NEXT YEAR!
and woo 3a had dinner together. class spirit! ok fine although only 8 people, the spirit's still there. shit man, i like this class. ok maybe its the same old people. yuguang the mobeng, sean the gay, douglas the dog, chiajone the giant, zhiguang and his huimin, kangjie the black and im wei-ge? and tongkat ali. -__- super lame.
then went back to school for meeting. here comes the teary part. don't want to talk about it. but guess u can figure it out yourself.

i cannot accept the fact, the world's so unfair.i cannot swallow my pride, after all i am not not capable. and when i compare myself to others, i don't understand why the higher authorities are so biased against me. just because i am different? just because of a superficial reason? quit?

2005-02-23T21:23:00.000+08:00

t0day i cried in class can. and now come to think of it, it was plain stupid. chem test returned, i got a b3 20/30, i knew first 5 questions I WROTE IN WRONG FORM, ask to spell i gave the formula, so automatically deduct 5, so effectively speaking i should be getting 25/30. F*CK! so i was damn pissed and wanted to get back marks. but yahh its so foolish, my own fault, blame nobody but myself. so my msg now sucks. blehh.

argh update later. you're the one.

cancelled. someone said i was hypocritical. whatever man.

2005-02-19T23:16:00.000+08:00

whee. today woke up with neck ache, must be yesterday's rifle pt. but it was fun. and yesterday i was punished, but i din regret, cause i committed a grievious mistake. and yahh i cried, i cried because i let the whole part down. as the i/c, i troubled so many people, esp those on the higher authorities. but what i really regret most is the trust that i had to shed blood and sweat for, is now destroyed. i really have nobody else to blame except for myself.
the elections results are out. congrats to all those who got into exco. the whole world except me is in exco. that sinking feeling is back again. but nvm, it's okayy, i'll just have to give and take. swallow my pride and work under you guys. :D never mind, at least i'm going sabah. and yuan chang, hang in there. if you think you're in a bad situation, just think of me and you will smile.
yesterday, a group of jokers were at kap and harassed the people there, and the clown king claimed it was just for fun. fun at the extent of having to trouble other people, and u said u cannot control yourself and blamed it on the fact that chinese high guys do not know how to behave in front of girls. what's the problem with u. anyway, i dun blame u and i cant, cause in the end you're my friend, just dun commit the same mistake..

today was a malu day. in the morning i went beach rd to get ear plugs for part c for the shooting, heyy i sacrificed the cip hours kay. then went creative with guan to change the earphones. woohoo, short and sweet. then on the way back on the mrt train, i somehow found myself in the situation of having to look straight throughout the journey. cause on my right was a group of girls, 14 - 16 years if im not wrong. so there were 4 i think, 3 of them were wearing those real short mini-skirts, ripcurl i think and their blouses were.. erm. yah. the last one was more decent, she wore jeans and a shirt. so the 3 were like teaching the last one on how to dress more revealing-ly and sexily to attract guys. when i heard their discussion, i was like "wth!" then i heard what skirt must be short, then the br.. my whole face turned red so i looked at my left instead. omg. disgusting. there was one lady who was holding on to the hand grips, then can see her armpit hair ! not shaven! omg. and its those really really long, i was like going to puke and lose my appetite, wth man. luckily,choa chu kang came and i quickly got off the train. fresh air! -_____-
then i laughed out loud because of something at lot 1 while finding a wallet, and a group of girls were walking past and they stared at me then laughed too. i was like shit dig me a hole to stick my head in. haiz. maluating.

are u one of them? =P

i'm so in love with you.

2005-02-16T23:07:00.000+08:00

congrats to me. theres a 70 percent chance that i will fail both my humanities test. i rock at humanities. arghh and im bu gan yuan, i studied till 1+ this morning and i couldn sleep, i was petrified. so i got up at 4 to continue mugging. and this is the shit i wrote. -bangs head on the wall.
ok for hist electives, i guessed the questions correctly ! so i wrote and wrote and didn keep track of the time. when ms sim said "times up!", i was like starting the conclusion for the last question. so i went "the han dynasty was" and fullstop. great, conclusion the most important part, and i didn write it. am screwed.
then for social studies, the indonesian and thailand nationalism. the part i really hate most, esp thai. why are the kings name so fcking hard to spell, vajiravudh, prajadhipok and etc. i almost forgotten how to spell, gave me a big fright. one question was rather easy, on indonesian nationalism, about the same as the assignment, so it was rather well done. as for the second question, i touched on everything except the most important points.

so from here, u can see that im really talented in the humanities, and its a really big waste that i didn join the humanities programme. like now, i'm multi-tasking as usual, studying chem, english exposition and doing the fp handbook for slc. dang my photoshop skills suck compared to carol and janice last year. i was @_@ at their works. oh well, once im done, ill upload it and show my masterpiece to the whole world ! chemistry should be an a1.. =D whoaa. i'm rather pessimistic about my english, arghh, the environment.

i'm really screwing up my studies. i think i need tuition already. =x

anyway today after school, we had an slc prog meeting which was rather smooth. keepp up the good work prog comm ! jinliang rushed from rv and was sweating when he got to far east. choon yen had remedial so i told her not to come over as the meeting was about to end anyway. and jianrui and kristin... xD

wish me luck tmr. but nvm at least tmr's the end of the tests !! and its your turn to mugg! whhahah.

2005-02-14T22:08:00.000+08:00

must we always listen to what our parents tell us to do. even when at times when u have your personal stand towards an issue and there's really nothing wrong ? why do they always think they're correct ? why why why. why can't they for once sit down and listen to our explanation ? and perhaps we both can come out with a compromise. why why why ?! and it just had to happen on february the 14.
have been waiting for this day for so darn long. she said yes! and i couldn sleep for nights, lol to think i was visualising how today would be like yesterday. it all became a dream after all. i went for my grandaunt's wake instead, at bishan. i don't understand whyy the whole family must go down, ok fine, respect respect, but i also need to respect herr ! grrrrr . oh well. =D

somebody tell me why am i in council this year. the first 3 events, im nt in ot. its okayy. its alright. then xuan yi had to say this.

.
shiwei% (: sin i / sin r [[partC.bondd]] says:
seriously
shiwei% (: sin i / sin r [[partC.bondd]] says:
i dunno what im here for.
ryan*giggs.| Love is my religion. I could die for that, I could die for you. - John Keats. ] 4MarUkTrip says:
hmm
ryan*giggs.| Love is my religion. I could die for that, I could die for you. - John Keats. ] 4MarUkTrip says:
u knw why?
ryan*giggs.| Love is my religion. I could die for that, I could die for you. - John Keats. ] 4MarUkTrip says:
no one dares to use u..
ryan*giggs.| Love is my religion. I could die for that, I could die for you. - John Keats. ] 4MarUkTrip says:
cos u sust b4..
ryan*giggs.| Love is my religion. I could die for that, I could die for you. - John Keats. ] 4MarUkTrip says:
like all big events
ryan*giggs.| Love is my religion. I could die for that, I could die for you. - John Keats. ] 4MarUkTrip says:
den ours so small..
shiwei% (: sin i / sin r [[partC.bondd]] says:
xuanyi im nt laughing.

thanks aphelion council. i'm loving you guys.

maybe i will just go quit.

[added]
okayy im in food committee for aphelion night ! :D cool hah. i'll make sure the supper and breakfast rocks. haha. and the 9pm show, ermm you're the one izzit. yarhh rocks larr ! would like to thank my updater. jacelyn tay so tomboy so cutee, and christopher's girlfriend is chio okayy !

2005-02-13T22:50:00.000+08:00

Peter Gabriel - The Book of Love

The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures and instructions for dancing
But I
I love it when you read to me
And you
You can read me anything
The book of love has music in it
In fact that's where music comes from
Some of it is just transcendental
Some of it is just really dumb
But I
I love it when you sing to me
And you
You can sing me anything
The book of love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we're all too young to know
But I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
And I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
And I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
You ought to give me wedding rings

one of the song from shall we dance. =D

farewell to those who have moved in to the boarding school. soon it will be my turn.

2005-02-11T15:01:00.000+08:00

blehh i'm so dying to get these bands. grrr. its just so tempting to go get them off ebay. nvm i've already asked zhen jie to help me buy 5. zhen jie u rock ! lets kick racism out of football!

2005-02-11T00:01:00.000+08:00

freak man.

2005-02-10T00:04:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood | zzz. ]
[ Current Music | Counting crows - Accidentally in Love ]

firstly happy new year to all of you! hahah feels so good to have a one week break. well spent the first 3 days mapling and bai nian-ing. lets talk about maple. i lvled 2 levels in 2 days, and yarr so wad if u higher level than me. i dun respect you, especially how u level up. =P well i also died like 11 times. and some were really freak accidents, like cause i pressed mana pots instead of hp and because the sentence i typed was too long. bleaghh anyway, i'm proud of myself, and i will go slowly now. if not its gonna affect my studies.

whee. spring is here once again. hahah and im again reminded of the forming of sust'04 when we took that photo at hcjc for the cny reunion, this sunday we're going there again, it just shows how time flies. reunion dinner was kinda fun, went to some boon lay rajah restaurant, the only bu ji li thing was that my chopsticks dropped into the big plate when we were lao-ing the yu sheng. =x and yarr bai nian was also fun, all the relatives said i am taller and of course erhm more shuai =D well think its stupid cause they haven seen me for ages so yarr. on monday, i ponned hci's cny celebration and went to set up a stall at hcjc for their carnival =D only to realize what a flop it is. all the stalls were food stalls except for ours and after that 1h, we made a gain of -$30 which is quite impressive after having to fork out to play our own games yarr. well at least we learnt a lesson! nvm next year! we will gain more, i 'm sure we will. and there was mass dance, i love hc culture. the arts. uhm trying to picture my batch when we go over to hcjc. cool. -woots. and ok lorr, u guys watch constantine without telling me. haiz, so the dejected me went back to greenridge and found out they were about to leave to play basketball. and tingwei became all moody cause tingwei left. confused? =D heh.

ok and erik attempted to console me abt the exco thingie, but obviously he failed to do so. whee. i think i rock. even the mighty jaja lost to me for the first time! oh well ijust gotta face reality. but i just dun understand why izzit always me. im the most unlucky one u see. everyone around me is in, except for me and i can only blame it on my luck. and erik thanks for your effort. all i can say is next year. they are all biased against me, i cant fight this battle, and i'm not going to. i'm just gonna let them dominate, and see how they kill each other in the end. woots.

koped from daph.
[1] what's your name ?
shiwei.

[2] how old are you ?
14 1/3.

[3] which skool are you from ?
hwa chong [high school section]

[4] when is your birthday ?
11th oct.

[5] status ?
waiting. >_<

* ~ do you ~ *

[6] smoke ?
no.

[7] drink ?
seldom.

[8] cry when you are jealous ?
sometimes.

[9] hurt yourself when you felt you hurt ur loved one ?
erm kicking the tree?

[1o] hate yourself ?
yes. i hate myself for being so unlucky.

* ~ favourites ~ *

[11] type of stead ?
not taller than me. sporty. you qi zhi =D

[12] food ?
none in particular.

[13] drink ?
none in particular too.

[14] fruits ?
apple. orange. watermelon.

[15] place ?
nope. depends on my mood

[16] tv show ?
reality tv shows like amazing race. desperate housewives =D

[17] song ?
recently robbie williams bahh.

[18] movie ?
as a kid, lion king. =D hm now should be mean girls. 13 going on 30 [those bimbotic ones bahh]

[19] season ?
winter ! let it snoww.

[2o] ice cream flavour ?
choc chip.

* ~ prefer ~ *

[21] sylvester or taufik ?
sylvester duhh. -meow

[22] coffee or tea ?
coffee.

[23] pink or blue ?
blue. definitely blue.

[24] single or attached ?
well i wld say single bt loved =D

[25] best fren or stead ?
left hand and right hand qns.

* ~ have you ever ~ *

[26] kiss ?
yes.

[27] how many diff ppl have you kissed ?
i don't count. but its not SUI BIAN.

[28] love someone till you don't mind dying for him ?
yes. i'm sentimental =P

[29] showed attitude to your stead ?
yes. blehh -sad memories.

[3o] run away from home ?
no. im a guai kia

* ~ who is ~ *

[31] the last person you called ?
zhiguang

[32] the last person who called you ?
xinying

[33] your last stead ?
n/a

[34] the stead you love most ?
n/a

[35] the person who can always cheer you
up ?
well i dun usually confide in pple. cause the problems are always un-solvable

* ~ ask yourself ~ *

[36] are you bored ?
yes. really bored.

[37] how's your life nowadays ?
bad start. shut up.

[38] hw long is the longest conversation you had on the phone ?
hardly ever passed 15 mins.

[39] what's in your mind right now ?
history and monday =D

[40] what are you listening to right now ?
jay's dao dai.

[41] do you think life's unfair ?
yes. VERY, ESPECIALLY TO ME.

[42] what annoys you the most ?
alot of stuff. but i usually keep my temper.. till recently. been getting into fights.

[43] what do you think about your love life right now?
damn.

[44] who's your favourite person to crap with ?
douglas? stanley perhaps.

[45] will you survive without love ?
no. definitely not. love unites all people. love brings about the relationships between people.

[46] dogs or cats are better ?
dogs. i'm scared of cats. black cats.

[47] what makes you happy ?
when she's happy.

[48] will it be a problem to you for having a very big crush on someone ?
yes. and its a bigger problem trying to ask her out.

[49] do u fall in love with someone easily ?
well. i dunno.

[50] have you tried smoking or drinking ?
i mean. do i have a choice. like i can go buy cigarettes. and light it in front of my dad.

[51] do you really really love someone now ?
yes.

[52] do you love yourself ?
yes.

okayy. time to mug history.

2005-02-08T14:18:00.000+08:00

jerry me and daryl! orientation'05!

2005-02-08T14:17:00.000+08:00

kang and i! at our erm successful booth

2005-02-07T01:57:00.000+08:00

dang, im so bored i cannot sleep. and im smiling i dunno why.
hahah. okayy. saturday was invest meeting. i woke up with a slight fever and my parents din let me go so i slept till 10am. i realized that they had gone out so i decided to sneak out and go for the meeting. behold my passion for council! heh. but soon i felt otherwise.
okayy. i shall just disclose some of the working styles in sust. well in sust, i'm left out, sadly but true. i'm the on always left alone. after every combined meeting, everyone will gather in their small groups and discuss about stuff, and i would always be the one standing at on corner feeling despised, and i'm always the first to leave that place and walk down the driveway to the bus-stop alone, and nobody seems to care and know. just like on saturday, greg and the rest were discussing about invest so i had some comments and i just blurted them out, no one bothered to listen, so i repeated myself but i wasn't heard again. i gave up and just went to get myself an ice-cream. it's just so sad, after one year, theres still nobody and can strike a conversation with. its very pathetic laa. nobody. and im trying to think of some pple that come close to console myself. yida? he just goes wazzup and we start talking about daily life. nicholas? just laming around. lujie? because of the same ep3.. theres really nobody i really know. hahahah. yeahh so invest meeting i felt really ostracised.
and fine i know i mei chu xi. i don't keep to promises, i didn remove the banner. fine. i know i suck as an orientation os. fine with that, i let u throw things at me. nvm, but why must u niao me about not getting in exco, u know how hurt i was. i was literally on the verge of crying. and i didn go for lunch with u guys because i didn dare to hear anymore of such things. i didn get into exco, and thats the cold hard fact, stop asking why.
argh. frankly, i'm really just waiting for 2006 to come, the year where we can form parties and run for elections. and i tell you, i'm gonna come back. i know lots of pple have been laughing behind my back, it's okayy i tell u. it's okay.
okayy hahah. time to disturb people! ABNORMAL. =D

2005-02-02T23:32:00.000+08:00

wow. i think februrary is really a bad month for me.
the first two nights of feb was all but joy. in fact i spent the two nights crying. the first night was sort of a misunderstanding, but thanks to your motivation (wrong frequency but i still got it in the end), i have once again stood up and prove myself worthy! =D okayy today was real crap, during assembly the students union got bombed. hahh. thats human beings for uu, fuck u all. the chinese high school students union have done so much for you guys, and because of two mistakes, you criticize us till as if we came and destroyed your life. okayy, u say that we are snatching all your leadership roles, only councillors get to organize events. well go home and squat beside the dustbin, cause opportunities should be made, not given. why not we change the whole system. let's revert back to the prefectorial board system, the so-called "student leaders" will now stand outside the front gate and record down late-comers, and for events like chinese new year, we are in charge of carrying the tables and chairs, and yahh u will have the honour of organizing these events! feasible idea right, join the prefectorial board!
plese lor, whether its aphelion council, proed council, ortus council, icouncil or even sust, i can vouch that all 150+ counciilors have dedicated their heart and soul to the union. and its definitely not because of the badge. if it was, then those events will be screwed. so please, its because we want to serve the school, to serve the student population that we want to be a councillor. look, i've said this lots of times to the sec 1s during orientation.
why do my organizing team spend 2 months wrecking their brains over this 3 day event? is it because we are too free? look we can choose not to care, the sec ones can go rot in this school for all i care, but why do we still have orientation? why do we mobilize 40 councillors to become buddies to so called instill the hwa chong spirit in them?
and why do the union stay overnight in school on the night before track and field just to make sure we're the first to reach the stadium to book seats for YOU people and the banners? and if it weren't for YOU, would we even went to discuss with cedar girls' when they somehow took the seats meant for YOU? yes i admit, the nanyang hui jia thing is indeed wrong, and we've apologized. but why do human beings just look at the superficial stuff? do u even have an idea on how much time is taken to hang that bloody banner last year during csm. we had to bother the scouts to build the struuctures till 2am that day. and we had to arrive in school at 6am, earlier than all of you for a briefing.
so go fuck your balls if you think the union sucks. cause im telling you that without union, you don't have a life. and this is what i learnt, from the countless late nights, the countless rejected proposals, the countless blastings yet i emerge a better person. it is through these mistakes that you learn, it is through these events where you get to know more people, and it is through union where you know that council mates are always there for you. that's union for you, im sure the ny councillors or ri prefects couldn help but agree too.
so all those immature freaks, fuck off.

[edited] ok i quoted one post from a hci guy. see why im so pissed.

I also raise four legs to support the abolition of student union, this school is obviously biased towards the union, and basically most of the councillers get to experience much more than the rest.
However, what makes me boiling is that the rest of us have almost no say in the actions of student union. The only thing we get to participate is the voting system, but so what! As there are only four electors, even someone who loses the vote can become a vice-chairman or secretary, the power is still within the union and not with us. The different discussion sessions are simply useless and unfeasible, as I do not really see much effect from them. These so call interaction session are simply chances for those "badges" to come and boast their so call achievements, for example about some counciller summit. For the rest of the students, I believe that nobody will really care.
Well, as the term "servant leader" implies, leaders are also servants! But I feel that this is not the case in our school. These servants are simply to proud to listen to their master, and they are just self-operational, not caring anything about our feelings or suggestions. This give me the feeling of being neglected and looked down by these slaves!
Napoleon has once said "Every French soldier carries a marshal's baton in his backpack", I believe that that every Hwachong boy can be a leader. thus there is no right for the Student union to take charge of everything and play us like puppets! thus let us roar our anger, and let the world know that the student union should be abolish.
It is so that one day we can all join hand can sing together the old negro song, "Oh god, we are free, we are finally free!"

[/edited]

2005-01-30T22:11:00.000+08:00

I AM SO STRESSED!!!
arghh. piaing homework on Sunday night again. suddenly remembered the "wo bu yao du shi" -shakes head vigourously thingy from choral night =D lol okayy. i so hate myself, i didn do what i promised i would do this year. that is not to procrastinate and finish whatever stuff at hand. every weekend, my plan would be to wake up early on Saturday morning and FINISH all my homework by noon, then i can play for all i can. and Sunday is used an emergency day to settle some last minute crisis. but for some apparent reason, the emergencies i had to settle the past few weekends were my homework instead. and im not supposed to be here blogging at this crucial moment of my life. but oh well, i need a source of ventilation. although nicholas's providing it now =D, but yahh he sucks =)
aiyohh. so many things unsettled. well this always happens at the start of the year. whaha. just have to get used to it.

still holding back what i want to say. 13 more days left

2005-01-29T01:29:00.000+08:00

brrr. FINALLY, MAPLESTORY DOWNLOADED.
blehh, i was gna sleep, stupid msn messenger, can't sign in.

i have been bad-tempered recently, and i sincerely apologized for that. on wednesday, huijie and benedict were fooling around and started whacking my arm, nvm i played along. then they hit my chest, what do they take me for? a rag doll, so i was like in a rage, i grappled huijie and then just slammed him on the floor, damn i didn know i was so horrible, huijie said that my veins were popping out on my temple. whoa. then on thursday, after physics prac, wenqiang went to use his file and slammed it on my face, triggered my wrath again, i again grappled him, but couldn slam. and yarr not to mention, i was irritated my tingwei, and we almost got into a fight.
i hate myself. i feel like im like the hulk laa, minus the green skin and the bulging biceps. hahh, and just now, after training, some of us went to kap to play zhong ji mi ma, i din want to play at first because i dun wan to get into trouble. we played too many times already, and the staff there practically know us. and its a matter of our image, we are wearing our school u somemore, so i wanted out. then the rest said i was a coward and stuff, okayy fine i join, yupp and i zhong laa. so i had to go to pinch my senior kepyong's face. so fine i went over, and got scolded my him. "don't do anything funny, i warn u" but i din want to fail so i reached out my right hand and grabbed his right cheek, he retaliated and pushed me back. okayy i get what he means and went back. i swore my whole body was like burning, and that eyes came back again, it looked as if i wanted to avenge my dad's death or something, tingfeng consoled and apologized cause he was the one who insisted one that, i almost went to punch him. my fist was clenched up, then i reminded myself to keep cool, so i carried my bag and just left. blehh on the way to the bus-stop, i was thinking about the drastic change in me, i had to cool down.
hahah. so yahh. my sincere apologies to all out there.

but yahh today was nanyang invest! i've been waiting weeks and weeks for it, pestered yida over and over, checking whether i was going, yupp and the day came! so yupp comments comments! well the entrance was like ours, the lights out then the councillors began walking down the steps. except that ours is nicer =D got light and better co-ordination. hmm, but i was really awe-struck by the invest item. i must say that i doubt we can achieve anything like that, and yahh i feel that council camp should be tehkan camp also.

and yahh as i watched the council slide-show, i was also reminded of my council life last year, and i felt my eyes water. hahah. so fast, one year gone, i may not even be in council this year. oh what-so-ever, i will be back next year, just you watch. its a pity that the relationship btween sust and the consortium councils is so political. so what if i came back from sust, does it mean im automatically condemned? i thought exco positions are given according to merit and capability, does that means i'm not capable enough? and why am i SUPPOSED to feel grateful that you even let me into council? i tell you, i QUIT. i don't even feel like it. the definition of council has drastically changed. esp after watching ny invest. i have lost all passion in council. literally gone.

i din ba wo ji hui. regretting in now.